Ties That Bind
by Sophie9
Summary: Dr. Quinn takes a new patient, Emma Hudson, into her care, and then into her home to protect her life.
1. Default Chapter

"So, she ran away, big deal!" Brian rolled his eyes at Colleen, finding it unbelievable that something so simple could be viewed as a real problem. "She'll just go back home!"  
  
Colleen stared at him. "Brian! She can't just "go home"!" "Why not?"  
  
Colleen was momentarily baffled. She never thought of the why of things. She frowned. "I don't know," she answered, "but there has to be a reason, a good one, otherwise Doctor Mike wouldn't be acting so. so weird. It's something, but she won't say what it is. All I know is she ran away."  
  
"How d'ya know that?"  
  
"I saw her bags outside the clinic," she shrugged, "and I asked Doctor Mike where her parents were, if they were staying at the hotel, or moving out on the next train-"  
  
"And?"  
  
"And Dr. Mike said her parent's weren't with her. She came by herself. So, I say she must've run away. After that Doctor Mike just told me I could leave for the day, and that was it."  
  
Brian started to see the beginnings of a problem, but just a bit. It could all be explained away easily, he reasoned.  
  
"How old is she?"  
  
"Probably about, well about your age, I guess, a little older maybe about twelve or thirteen."  
  
Brian smiled.  
  
She pointed at him. "Don't get any ideas!"  
  
"Who, me?" He smiled guilelessly.  
  
"Where is she now?" He asked.  
  
Colleen pursed her lips. "Still in the clinic with Doctor Mike."  
  
"Oh." He looked up at his sister. "Is that a bad thing?"  
  
Colleen nodded. "It's just, they've been in there for a long long time. They left once for lunch at Grace's, but then went right back into the clinic, and haven't come out since." "Hmmm, maybe you're right. We'll just ask Dr. Mike when she comes home. I'm sure she's got an answer." **************************  
  
"Colleen, I really can't talk about it."  
  
"But Doctor Mike, you can at least tell us something! How'd she get here? Where are her parents? She can't be staying in town all alone!"  
  
"How old is she?" Brian chimed in.  
  
Michaela smiled at him, but turned back to Colleen.  
  
"She's not going to work in the saloon is she?" She asked horrified.  
  
"Colleen!" Dr. Mike reproached her. "You don't actually think I'd let any girl do that, do you?"  
  
"You could find her a decent job," she finished.  
  
"Anything is certainly better than working in a saloon- either for a boy or girl!" Michaela answered.  
  
She glanced at Brian, who nodded obediently in agreement.  
  
"Can't you tell us anything?" Colleen begged.  
  
Mike sat down by the fireplace and let out a long sigh. "Her name is Emma Hudson," she began, "and that is all you'll need to know. Matthew is bringing her home for dinner after his shift is over. Right now she's making herself useful cleaning up the clinic for the night."  
  
"Ma! She's your patient! She musta been really sick too, why else would you have been in there with her for so long? And now you're making her clean?"  
  
"Colleen," Michaela's voice was exasperated and worn out, "she offered. It gave her something else to think about other than-" she stopped herself short, just as the sound of a wagon came up the road.  
  
She nodded curtly at Colleen. "There's your brother now with her. Go put dinner on the table please Colleen, and Brian you help her, put on an extra plate for Emma."  
  
"Yes, Ma'am," Brian answered and hurried off after Colleen just as eager to find out about the girl as she was.  
  
At dinner both Sully and Doctor Mike acted as though nothing at all unusual was going on. Matthew, however and Colleen and Brian were fixated on Emma.  
  
Her light brown hair was braided in one long braid down her back, her bangs were curled around her forehead. Her eyes were large and dark brown fringed by long black lashes.  
  
"So Emma, how long do you plan on staying in town?" Sully asked, as a way to start conversation. He knew little more than the children did about this girl, but he also knew not to pry too much. That question would be just about at the limit, he figured.  
  
Emma's eyes grew even larger, and she swallowed her bite of chicken. She glanced at Doctor Mike questioningly, then back at Sully. "I don't know," she answered, her voice soft. She then looked down at her plate to avoid meeting his eyes.  
  
Sully was good-natured about it. "Well, that's alright, we don't get to many new comers round here, you're welcome to stay as long as you feel like it."  
  
"She's staying?" Brian grinned happily.  
  
"Brian!" Matthew hissed.  
  
"Sorry," he mumbled.  
  
"She's staying here, yes," Michaela answered.  
  
" You gotta wait for your folks to come in?" Matthew asked genuinely curious as to just how long the girl would have to wait.  
  
"Matthew," Sully shook his head slightly.  
  
Emma bit her lip, the thoughts of food gone from memory.  
  
"No, not exactly," she whispered.  
  
"Well," Mike stood up and gave a stern look to the children, " I think we're all done with dinner. Matthew you may help Colleen clear the table and wash the dishes-"  
  
"Me?"  
  
"Yes, you."  
  
And the look she gave him then sent him off to the kitchen with his plate and Colleen's.  
  
"Brian, you go upstairs and finish your homework."  
  
"I ain't got none Ma,"  
  
"Then you may go to bed," she answered.  
  
"But Ma!"  
  
"Brian!" Colleen whispered, "You'd better do it!"  
  
"Alright," he grumbled, pushing his chair back from the table and standing up. He looked hopefully at Emma. "I'll see you later?" He asked.  
  
She gave him a small smile and nodded, but said nothing.  
  
"Now, Brian!"  
  
Colleen pulled Matthew to the far end of the kitchen.  
  
"So, what did she say to you?" She whispered.  
  
He put the plates down. "Not much," he shrugged, and made sure to keep his voice low. "She kept as far from me as possible, and didn't say a thing other than thank you."  
  
"Really?"  
  
He nodded. "That's it."  
  
"Ma didn't tell you anything?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
Colleen frowned. "You were our one chance at finding out anything. Doctor Mike won't say a word."  
  
Matthew laughed. "You're joking, right?"  
  
She stared at him confused.  
  
" You're the one who's going to have the best chance at finding things out about her!"  
  
"I am?"  
  
"She's going to be sharing your room!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Doctor Mike told me to take her stuff into your room, and set up a spare bed for her there."  
  
"Why didn't you say something?"  
  
"Colleen! Matthew!" Michaela's voice interrupted their conversation. "There are still things on the table here."  
  
"Coming Ma!" Colleen answered, and smiled at Matthew. "Don't worry, I'll find out everything. I'll be discreet about it too, don't worry." 


	2. chap2

"I really appreciate what you've done for me," Emma's head was lowered, her eyes focused on the floor boards of the parlor, where Dr. Quinn had escorted her to after dinner. Matthew had gone outside to help Sully with chores before heading back home himself, Colleen was preparing for bed, and Brian was already asleep, leaving the two ample time to talk.  
  
"I wasn't about to have you stay at that boarding house all by yourself." She took a hold of Emma's chin and lifted it until their eyes were level. "You did the right thing, Emma."  
  
She pulled her face back from Michaela's grasp, her face reddening.  
  
"If you say so, Ma'am," she whispered.  
  
"Don't you think you did the right thing?" She asked genuinely amazed.  
  
She gulped and looked up at Mike her eyes watery. "What if he comes looking for me?" Her lower lip quivered.  
  
She hated to admit it, but Michaela seriously doubted that he would. If he did, she thought, it certainly wouldn't be out of parental love or concern. She pursed her lips together and tried to think of an answer. Finally she said, "I think you'd be better off if you never saw him again," she answered. "And no, I honestly don't think he will. His shame, if nothing else should keep him away." But if he does show his face, she thought, I'll have him locked up so fast he won't know what hit him.  
  
Emma bit her lip and seemed to nearly sink into herself with shame.  
  
"Emma, you didn't do anything wrong," she stated keeping her voice caring yet firm.  
  
"I, I know," her voice was choppy. "It's just, I worked so hard, to make up for- and make him love me and I thought I was doing a good job, and-"  
  
She buried her head in her hands and sobbed. Dr. Mike put her arms around the girl and pulled her into an embrace.  
  
"It's okay," she whispered, "you're going to get through this Emma, you will, and I'll be here to help you."  
  
Emma gulped down a sob and looked up at her. "But for how long?"  
  
Michaela was dumbstruck, realizing the shocking relevancy of the question. I have to talk to Sully about this, so I can figure this all out.  
  
She held Emma by the shoulders at arms length and smiled.  
  
"Emma, I need to talk to someone else about this, but I don't want to do it without your permission." She looked earnestly into her eyes. "Would it be all right with you if I spoke with Sully about this?"  
  
She swallowed her sobs and nodded. "I guess so," her voice was shaky and hollow, "seeing as I'll be staying with you until, well until something's figured out."  
  
Not able to think of much else to say, at least not before she's spoken to Sully, Michaela bid her goodnight then, and walked her to Colleen's room. Then she waited for Sully to come back inside.  
  
**********  
  
"She's what?" Sully stared at her in absolute shock. "She's hardly older than Brian! Michaela, that isn't funny."  
  
"I'm not joking, Sully, this is serious."  
  
"And you brought her here? With Colleen and Brian?" He shook his head and walked a few paces to the window, looking out. "What will they think?"  
  
"Well, Sully, I don't know. I'm sure they'll be understanding about it-"  
  
"You plan on telling them?"  
  
"It's not my place to tell them," she answered quickly.  
  
Sully made a face then as if he'd eaten something sour. "I suppose it doesn't matter, they'll find out soon enough."  
  
Sully, that isn't funny!" Michaela's voice was sharp.  
  
"Ain't trying to be funny," his voice a contrast to hers, matter of fact and calm. "It's the truth, you know it. It's only a matter of time before the whole town knows."  
  
She knew that was true. Dr. Mike closed her eyes, sighing heavily and sank down into a soft chair, covering her face with her hands.  
  
Sully came up to her, putting his arms around her shoulders and holding her tightly.  
  
"I don't know what to do Sully. There's no where else she can go." When she raised her head to look up at him, her cheeks were streaked with tears. "I'm scared Sully," she whispered, " I'm not sure what to do."  
  
That night Mike secluded herself in the parlor, even after Sully'd gone up to bed. She was wrapped in a shawl against the cool night air, as much as against the bitter cold fear and apprehension that filled her. Surely she was doing the right thing, she thought. It was Loren and Horace actually who'd brought the girl in. Loren in returning from his travels, Horace had agreed to pick him up at the station, had found the girl at the railroad station, in a dead faint on the floor. After getting help to revive her, he gathered the girl up into the wagon and rode straight to town to Dr. Mike. She smiled at the memory of Loren's immediate distrust of female doctors or female anythings, and yet in the midst of crisis, whom did Loren instantly seek out for help? Michaela Quinn, the medicine woman.  
  
"How could anyone do that to their own child?" She sighed and shook her head, remembering the horrid story Emma'd told her later that day.  
  
"He just stayed because Ma made him," Emma's words echoed in her mind. "He wasn't the marrying type, you might say. And after she died, there was no reason for him to stay. But, at least he didn't just up and leave me, I guess you could say he did right in a way, leaving me off somewhere before he went back to his baching ways, but I would've rathered he just left in the night, and left me at the house. I would've been fine there. It's better than what he did."  
  
Mike sank into the chair balled up. To leave a child at all was unthinkable, but leaving her-  
  
She couldn't finish the thought.  
  
She stood up and physically shook herself to rid herself of the horrible sick feeling in her stomach, and wrapped the shawl more tightly around her shoulders. Walking across the room, Mike stopped suddenly hearing footsteps upstairs, from the sound of it coming from Colleen's room, and listening more closely she realized it was Colleen's footsteps she was hearing.  
  
It amazed her that motherhood, parenting, even someone else's children could change her so profoundly. Not only was she conscious of her own life, but acutely conscious and concerned about the children's lives as well. The first night she'd had with them alone was much the same as a new mother's first night with her child. Michaela would wake at any sound, Colleen turning in bed, Matthew's mumbling sleep talk, and Brian's light bird like snores. And now she knew them as well as she knew herself, if not better. She could identify them by the smell of their hair, their voices, their hands, and even their night rustlings, and familiar footfalls across the house. The tiniest of things.  
  
But when she heard Colleen's footsteps leaving her room, Michaela knew something was wrong, and without a second thought knew it was Emma. She rushed out of the study and met Colleen halfway up the stairs.  
  
Colleen nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw Mike.  
  
Mike smiled and put a steadying hand to Colleen's shoulder. "I didn't mean to startle you," she whispered, kissing her on the forehead. She looked into Colleen's still wide eyes. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Emma's sick," she whispered. "Real sick."  
  
Mike nodded calmly. "Why don't you go down to the study? I have some shawls and blankets there, the parlor stove's still going as well, it's nice and warm. Why don't you sleep down there, and I'll take care of Emma?"  
  
The look in Colleen's eyes and the expression on her face spoke to Mike as clearly as any words. "You're not at all surprised by this, you knew this was going to happen. It must be something bad too, or you'd tell me what was wrong, you'd let me stay with you and help."  
  
"GO on, downstairs," she answered her silent comments, and smiled. "Everything's fine." She kissed her again on the forehead and moved aside on the stair. "Go on!" She urged, still smiling.  
  
As Colleen, still confused walked on down the stairs, Michaela knew she couldn't continue smiling. Her mouth was set in a hard line. Quickly she turned back on the stair.  
  
"Colleen?"  
  
She turned silently.  
  
"Heat some water for tea, please," she hissed.  
  
Wordlessly Colleen nodded, and Mike hurried up the rest of the stairs, knowing she'd be able to trust Colleen on this and not wake or tell Brian a word, since the boy could sleep through if left undisturbed.  
  
She'd just reached the door, when she felt Sully's hand on her shoulder. Now it was her turn to jump. She'd been so occupied with thoughts of Emma she hadn't registered anything else.  
  
She turned to him, and seeing the amount of love and concern in his eyes brought her close to tears.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"She's.. sick," she explained, knowing that wasn't really true, yet in a way it was.  
  
"Can I help with anything?"  
  
Yes, everything! Her mind screamed.  
  
She stared at him, feeling such a need for his love and support now, it was she could do to keep herself from falling into his arms for support.  
  
She blinked, feeling so weak and inadequate. "I wish you could," she answered and her voice betrayed her need for his strength now, his love, his backing her and telling her what she was doing was right. She let out a deep breath and shook herself again. "But I have to do this, now. She backed away from him, breaking eye contact, and went into the room.  
  
"I'll wait up for you," she heard him whisper as he closed the door shut behind her.  
  
Her mother'd died, leaving Emma to care for her father and the house alone, she needed some sort of maternal figure to care for her now. And Michaela knew if Emma's mother had been alive and knew what the girls father had done, abandoning his daughter inside of a saloon/brothel under false pretenses, she'd wish she was dead.  
  
Emma was lying, as Mike had expected, in Colleen's bed, and Colleen had taken up the makeshift bed on the floor that Michaela'd had Matthew make up. "Girl's work," he'd muttered smiling, when Mike'd set him off with the task.  
  
Her dark head was at the side of the bed, her pale hands grasping the side plank as if she expected to fall out of the bed otherwise. Her eyes were closed tightly, and she was breathing slowly through her mouth. Stepping closer to her, Michaela decided she look positively seasick.  
  
"Emma," she whispered.  
  
A pitiful moan was her response.  
  
Lightly Michaela put a hand to the girl's shoulder.  
  
Keeping her eyes screwed shut and holding fast to the edge of the bed, Emma gulped and moaned piteously, "I don't feel good."  
  
"Yes," Mike kept her voice steady and calm, "I see that." She also saw that the girl'd vomited, thankfully, into the empty porcelain wash basin, and that Colleen had put a damp rag to the girl's forehead, and wisely deposited an old chamber pot at the side of the bed, beneath Emma's head, anticipating future unpleasantness. Smart girl, Micheala thought, noticing out the window that the night was nearing to dawn now.  
  
"Colleen's heating water for tea," she whispered, "that will make you feel better."  
  
The girl groaned and gulped hard. "No please," she gasped, "no."  
  
"What if I promised you'd be able to keep it down?"  
  
She shook her head, but the motion proved to much to her, and a credit to Colleen's foresight, vomited whatever was left of dinner into the chamber pot. Quinn quickly grabbed a clean towel from Colleen's night stand and a tin cup, she dipped the cup into the pitcher of cold water Colleen always kept on the stand, and then dipped the towel into the pitcher of water. She put the cup to the girl's lips.  
  
"Here, swish this around in your mouth, then just spit it out, it will take the taste away."  
  
Emma made a face at Quinn's speech, and Mike saw how close to tears the girl was. Still she did as instructed then let out a raspy sigh and broke down in tears.  
  
"I just feel so sick Doctor Mike," she cried. "I really don't feel good. I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"  
  
"Shh," Mike soothed her, taking the damp rag, and wiped the girl's mouth and chin with it. She folded it and placed it on the nightstand, then picked up the cloth that had slide from Emma's forehead and re-wetted it with the pitcher water, placing it back on the girl's head.  
  
"You're going to be just fine, I promise you."  
  
She kissed Emma's warm reddened cheek and very slowly as not to jar the bed at all, stood up. "I'm going to go get you that tea, alright?" She whispered.  
  
"Okay," she whispered, that seeming to be the only word she had the strength to say, and knowing better than to nod her head.  
  
"You just close your eyes and try to go back to sleep, now."  
  
With a slow, controlled sigh, Emma closed her eyes again, still holding to the side of the bed, and tried to obey the doctor's orders.  
  
When Mike turned she saw Sully standing in the doorway. Just the slightest tinge of dawn's light came through the window and fell about his feet. Michaela was so grateful to see him, that she nearly cried herself.  
  
Wordlessly Sully took her by the arm and led her out of the room, leaving the door just slightly ajar. Alone with him in the hall, Michaela calapsed into his arms, allowing her pent up tears to flow from her eyes, exhausted.  
  
"You did good," he whispered, "you did real good in there with her."  
  
"Oh Sully," she sighed, keeping her head buried in his chest, "I don't know, I just don't know!" She clung more tightly to him, needing his strength.  
  
"Michaela, go on to bed," he stroked her disheveled hair with his hand, "you've haven't slept all night."  
  
"Emma needs me," she began.  
  
"Me and Colleen can take care of Emma just fine. And she'll still be here when you wake up, likely she'll sleep just like you."  
  
Mike let out a sigh and looked up at him, wanting sleep more than anything, physically and mentally.  
  
"What about the-"  
  
He smiled, knowing her sentence before she finished it, "Colleen can take care of the clinic, you know that." Gently he pushed her away from him and towards their bedroom. "Go on now, I'll get her that tea."  
  
"If she needs me, come and wake me," she offered.  
  
Sully just smiled and nodded and made his way downstairs. "Go to bed, Michaela." 


	3. 3

Colleen tried to wait patiently for Doctor Mike to awaken and join her at the clinic. She'd tried to be patient at the house making sure Emma was well enough for her to leave her side, but scarcely below the surface Colleen was tormented by curiosity and downright worry.  
  
"If Doctor Mike thought I should know, or I needed to know, she would have told me," Colleen muttered repeating the words she's said at least a dozen times that morning to calm her curiosity.  
  
She was on her hands and knees scrubbing the clinic floor, another attempt out of sheer desperation to give herself something else to focus on other than what on earth was wrong with Emma, plus why she was there in the first place. Not that she minded sharing a room, it was nice having a girl her own age, or close enough, to be able to talk to at night. Even though Emma hadn't said much, she was obviously being careful, Colleen liked her, and could easily tell that she was, as Grace would put it, "wise beyond her years."  
  
She just wished someone would tell her what was wrong with Emma.  
  
So far that morning, since there were no patients, though Colleen knew as well as anyone that could change at a moment's notice, she'd organized patient information, re-sanitized equipment, washed the windows and swept the floors, so that she could now scrub them. Just busy work to keep her hands if not her mind busy with other things. Still, well after noon, Colleen was still wondering about Emma.  
  
"Colleen?"  
  
Colleen's head jerked up from the floorboards she'd been facing. At the sound of Mike's voice, she flung the scrub brush to the floor and jumped up, exclaiming, just as Doctor Mike walked in,  
  
"What's wrong with Emma?"  
  
Surprised and taken aback Michaela just stared at Colleen, then quickly at the bucket and scrub brush on the floor.  
  
"It seems you've been busy," she commented mildly.  
  
"Doctor Mike, I have to know! I mean, I'm worried about her! I know it's her business, but I have to know."  
  
She bit her lip and looked at Mike earnestly.  
  
Michaela stooped down, picked up the scrub brush, and plopped it into the bucket of water, allowing it to float on its bristles. She stood up, sighed, and smiled weakly at Colleen. "It's like you to be so concerned Colleen," she began, "and I'm sure you want to be kind to Emma-"  
  
But, there's a but in there Colleen thought.  
  
"But, this isn't idle school yard gossip. The information you're asking for falls under doctor patient confidentiality. It's a part of the oath I took as a doctor, I can't break it."  
  
Colleen sighed, knowing Mike would say something similar, but still she'd hoped for a different answer. She cracked her tired stooped too long back wordlessly, trying not to look bothered by Dr. Mike's speech. She bent down to pick up the water bucket and dump the suds out the back door. Dr. Mike's hand on her shoulder stopped her.  
  
"Colleen," her eyes met Colleen's, and Colleen was startled if not downright frightened by the serious look in Mike's eyes.  
  
"I want you to tell me something."  
  
Mike's voice was laden with danger. Colleen stared at her wide eyed and confused.  
  
"You didn't ask her what was wrong with her, did you?"  
  
Colleen gulped, realizing at that moment how serious Emma's condition must truly be if Doctor Mike was so worried.  
  
"N, no, Doctor Mike, I didn't," she answered. It was the truth, but it felt like a lie, because all she'd wanted to do was ask.  
  
But now, having realized how potentially grave Emma's condition could be, she was more suspicious than ever. Now she wasn't dying to know, she was trying to think of ways she could figure out the truth.  
  
When Emma awoke, she found herself in a bedroom that wasn't her own. Then again, she thought, a bedroom even if it wasn't her own was better than where she was used to sleeping, she hadn't slept in her own bed in what felt like ages. Her new "bedrooms" if she could manage was to sleep outside or in the stable with the horses. She learned early on sleeping in the bedroom that was given to her was dangerous, implied that she owed her new "owner" for his taking her in, and allowing her to work for him in his bar in the daytime, and work for his higher paying customers in the night.  
  
She pinched herself to make sure this wonderful bedroom wasn't a dream. The pinch reminded her also of how sick she'd been when she'd woken up, instantly vomiting into Colleen's empty wash bowl. She'd never felt so sick in her life, and had laid down on the bed wishing she could just die. She vaguely recalled, or at least thought she did, that Colleen had woken up and took care of her, then Doctor Quinn, and then Dr. Quinn's husband after that. He gave her another kind of tea different from what Colleen brought her, that had allowed her to drift into blissful deep sleep.  
  
"Was wondering when you'd wake up."  
  
A man's voice startled her. Emma screamed in horror and yanked the bed sheets up to her chin, backing up in one swift movement to the headboard of the bed, ready to fight or run, or both.  
  
But the movement sent the room spinning, and Emma was sure she'd fall out of the bed. Horribly nauseous suddenly she grabbed to the side of the headboard and closed her eyes. Oh my gosh, I can't be sick again! She thought in bewilderment.  
  
She felt a pair of hands around her then steadying her, she still felt the room spinning though so she staid put.  
  
"It's me, Sully," the man said, "I didn't mean to frighten you. Guess I should know better than to be in a girls room when she's in her night clothes."  
  
Taking slow deep breaths Emma answered the first thing that came to mind. "Never stopped anyone before," she whispered, wishing the room would stop spinning and cursing herself for somehow making it do so.  
  
Sully cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I'm sorry about that," he whispered, "I really am. But, I'm here to look after you for now, make you sure you're alright. And," a cool cloth was put to her forehead, "from the looks of it, you sure do need some lookin' after."  
  
"Is my Mama here?" She asked vaguely, disoriented. "I don't feel good."  
  
"Here, why don't you lie back down now?"  
  
The very thought of movement made her feel worse.  
  
"Nah uh," she groaned. "I can't move."  
  
"We should get you downstairs," he was talking again, but Emma scarcely heard him.  
  
"It's warmer, we'd sit you in front of the stove, and you'd feel better. Need to get some food into you too." She realized then that she was starved, but wasn't sure if she really wanted to eat or not. After all, she didn't want to throw up again.  
  
She said nothing in response, just breathed in and out glad that the room's spinning was slowing.  
  
"You wanna try to get up?"  
  
Not seeing any other option, and knowing from childhood that no adult really asked a question so much as gave a command, Emma carefully as she dared nodded yes.  
  
"I'll get you one of Colleen's wraps."  
  
When he stood up she felt the room spin again, and grabbed to the bed again, and opened her eyes, figuring she had to do it sometime.  
  
Not long after she'd finally made it downstairs to the dinner table, Brian came in from school. Emma was surprised she'd slept that long.  
  
Brian grinned when he saw her at the table.  
  
"Hi! You wanna see something?"  
  
His innocent grin made Emma smile back, and she nodded. "Sure."  
  
Completely oblivious to her prior illness, Brian happily sat down in the chair next to her, and pulled out some papers from one of his school books. He spread them out before her, smiling expectantly.  
  
"You can read, right?" He looked up at her questioningly.  
  
She laughed aloud. "Of course I can!"  
  
She picked up the papers, and saw that they were a series of school assignments, a continuing story at that which had been graded, an A.  
  
"Brian, that's wonderful! You got an A!"  
  
"Read it!" He begged. "You didn't read it!"  
  
"Okay, okay, I'll read it," she laughed lightly, and began to read, wondering if this was what it felt like to be part of a real family, this easy going familiar comfort.  
  
It was a good story, simple and honest, with emotion and details. It was about Brian's journey to Colorado Springs, and the changes wrought by one single year, and the years following, finishing with how he felt currently and how he'd changed with the changes around him.  
  
Emma set down the papers and smiled at him. "This is really good Brian," she told him, "are you gonna show it to your Mama and Pa?"  
  
He looked at her surprised, and Emma wondered if she'd said something wrong.  
  
Then he laughed, and Emma felt better.  
  
"Dr. Quinn's not my real Ma, I just call her that. She's a good one though, anyway. And Sully's her husband, and he does a good job of taking care of all of us to, but he ain't my Pa."  
  
"Oh." It was all she could think of to say. She thought if that was true he should have written of it in his story, but he hadn't. It was full more of personal observations than of his "family". I can't believe they're not a real family, she thought, they seem like one. Get along better n' my family ever did.  
  
"Emma?"  
  
His voice brought her back out of her thoughts. She glanced at him.  
  
"Where's your Ma and Pa?"  
  
She sighed and looked at the tabletop and the papers in her hands, written with a child's lazy scribble. "My Ma's dead," she answered, and her voice sounded hollow, far away and uncaring, which wasn't true at all. "And my Pa, well, I don't know where he is." And I don't care either, she thought.  
  
"Brian!" Sully's voice called from the next room. "Could use some help bringing in the firewood, Colleen'll be home soon and she'll need a fire for dinner."  
  
"Comin' Sully!" He called back, pushing the chair back and standing up. He took his papers from Emma's hands and placed them back inside his school book.  
  
"Watch these for me, okay?"  
  
She nodded, finding his concern touching.  
  
When he's left the room she realized with sudden shock that she was doing absolutely nothing to help. All day she'd been in bed, or sitting at the table there, being brought small bits of food and tea by Sully.  
  
My goodness, how lazy I am! She reproached herself. There's no excuse for me at all to be just sitting here! Why I'm being taken in by these nice people and I'm doing nothing for them in return! Ma would tan my hide if she knew.  
  
Quickly she stood up, and pushed her chair in to the table. She grabbed the chair back then, the quick movement sending the room spinning again, and made the floor boards unsteady beneath her feet. She closed her eyes for a moment, took a deep breath and by sheer will power forced herself to open her eyes and walk to the kitchen steadily like a normal person.  
  
While Sully and Brian were outside she managed to find pots pans and ingredients to make dinner with. She'd start with some biscuits, something quick and easy, and if they had any pork, she'd make fried pork and gravy, and get some fresh vegetables from the garden and cook them.  
  
By the time Sully and Brian came back in with arm- fulls of firewood, Emma'd already made the biscuit batter and placed them on a tray in the oven. Wordlessly she grabbed a few small pieces of wood from Brian's arm load and put them into the firebox, to get the fire going hotter.  
  
"Well, looks like we don't have to wait till Colleen gets home," Sully commented throwing his arm load into the woodbox at the far end of the kitchen. Brian dumped his in right after and asked,  
  
"Whatcha makin'?"  
  
"Biscuits right now," she answered. She was about to ask Brian if she could get some vegetables from the garden, when she heard the front door opening.  
  
"Colleen!" Brian cried out, running to the door. "Look what I got from school!"  
  
Emma smiled, his enthusiasm infectious, and busied herself filling the teakettle and coffee pot with water to boil, using up all the water in the water pail.  
  
"You need some more water?" Sully's voice was behind her.  
  
"Yeah, I have to have enough water for dishes later, and enough to boil the vegetables in." She grabbed the empty bucket and headed to the back door to go to the pump outside.  
  
Sully stepped in front of her and graciously took the pail from her hand.  
  
"I can do that."  
  
She smiled. It was a kind offer, but she wasn't lazy, and she needed to make up for her uselessness.  
  
"I can do it," she reached for the bucket, and expecting to get it back. She was shocked however when Sully held to the bucket more firmly and shook his head.  
  
"No," he answered kindly but sternly, "I'll do that." And with that he headed out the door, leaving her standing there, shocked.  
  
"Oh, hi Emma," Colleen's came into the kitchen. "I wasn't expecting you to be up." The words stung, and Emma's could feel her face redden with shame.  
  
"I'm feeling better now," she answered, still looking out the window to the back yard, "I was just getting started on dinner."  
  
"Funny," Colleen answered, "that's just what I was going to do."  
  
"Colleen, you still have to read my story."  
  
Colleen sighed. "I'll read it later, Brian! I have to help with dinner, Matthew's coming over with Dr. Mike, and I'm really tired anyways. Can you wait?"  
  
Obviously embarrassed Brian nodded. "Sure." He looked around the kitchen. "Can I help?"  
  
Sully came in then with the water bucket. "Yeah," he answered for them, "you can get some carrots and anything else that's ready from the garden."  
  
Both Colleen and Emma laughed at that. Brian hurried outside eager to be of help.  
  
Sully placed the water bucket on the table and headed towards the dining room.  
  
"I think I'll go see what this story's all about," he smiled.  
  
"It's inside his history book," Emma called after him.  
  
She glanced over at Colleen, who was emptying water into the wash basin to wash her hands.  
  
"Colleen, why don't you go sit in the parlor and rest? You do look tired."  
  
"You're the one that should be resting," she answered.  
  
Emma was shocked, but she wasn't quite sure why. Did they just expect her to be lazy?  
  
Colleen turned around instantly her face horrified. "I'm so sorry!" She gushed. "I didn't mean it that way! I just meant, you've been sick and all.." She let her voice trail off.  
  
Emma shook her head. "It's okay. But really, you should rest, you've been up since dawn without a break." She looked at her steadily until Colleen reluctantly sighed and nodded.  
  
"If you're sure you can handle it in here?"  
  
"I'm sure," she smiled and nodded in the direction of the parlor. "Go on now."  
  
Colleen smiled and took her leave.  
  
Brian had brought in some carrots, told her they like to eat them cut up, but raw, which surprised Emma greatly. She'd never heard of people eating raw vegetables. Raw fruit sure, but raw vegetables? Still she prepared them as told, and made ready to cook the pork she'd found.  
  
Doctor Quinn came into the kitchen then, which startled Emma, as she hadn't even heard her enter the house.  
  
"How are you feeling Emma?"  
  
"Better," she answered, "thank you. And thank you for staying with me last night. I should thank Sully too."  
  
"Well I think you already gave Colleen her big thank you," Mike smiled, "she's asleep on the sofa in the parlor."  
  
"I'm glad, she's had a very long day. She was up before dawn, and she didn't get to go back to bed."  
  
Like you and I did, Mike thought.  
  
"There's not much left to do, I see." She glanced under a dishtowel and saw fluffy brown biscuits, and cooked vegetables under the warming plate. Only the meat was left to be prepared. She picked it up, as it was already cut, and placed the strips in the frying pan, where they would par boil.  
  
"Oh!" Emma dropped the dishrag she was holding to the floor, and threw a hand over her mouth, running to the door, flinging it open and rushing outside.  
  
Sully came into the kitchen then, glanced calmly out the door and back at Mike, then nodded at the food that was waiting on the table. "Shall I put these on the table?"  
  
Mike nodded absently her eyes still fixed on the open doorway. "Call Brian and have him set the table, there's no need to wake Colleen yet.  
  
Sully left wordlessly with the plates of food, and Mike headed out the door to find Emma.  
  
Stepping out into the yard she saw the girl curled up on the ground, motionless. Feeling so sorry Emma had to go through this essentially alone, without family, and being so young, Mike walked over to her and knelt down to the ground, putting a hand to her forehead. "Emma?"  
  
"I'm sorry," her voice was choked with sobs, "I thought I was better," she moaned forlorn and ashamed.  
  
"It's okay," Michaela whispered.  
  
Emma sniffled and gasped trying to control her tears. "I'm not a baby," she insisted, "I just feel so sick," beside herself she burst into tears again.  
  
"I know," she stroked her hand over the girls dark hair, "I know. It's alright Emma."  
  
She waited a while in silence, until Emma had composed herself and seemed to be feeling somewhat better.  
  
"I'm sure you're not feeling up to dinner, so why don't we get you back to bed, I'll bring you up some of that nice tea, and you can get some sleep?"  
  
"I don't wanna get some sleep," she sniffled, " I wanna get better."  
  
Michaela held the girl close to her in an embrace. "I know you do," she answered.  
  
She waited a few moments more silent, then added, "Tomorrow you'll come to the clinic with me, so that we can have a proper talk."  
  
Emma froze then, thinking for some reason she was in trouble. 


	4. 4

"Emma we really need to talk about this," Mike sat her down in the clinic, in her office, trying to think of what to say how to give the girl some hope or certainty, but the only certainty in the matter was that in many ways Michaela was as unsure and confused as Emma was.  
  
Emma stared at her with a degree of fear in her eyes the way, Michaela thought, a student might when confronted by their teacher for a wrong doing. If that was the case, she could at least set Emma at ease about that.  
  
"I'm not here to lecture you, or criticize you in anyway," she began, "because you've done nothing wrong."  
  
Emma pursed her lips and looked at the floor.  
  
"DO you hear me, Emma?" She lifted her chin upward and forced the girl to look into her eyes. "You've done nothing wrong,"she repeated. "You have nothing to be ashamed of."  
  
Emma turned her face from her, her cheeks reddening. "If that's true, then how come that's exactly how I feel?"  
  
Michaela let the silence following her question linger a moment to consider the best way to word her answer, but apparently that wasn't what Emma was looking for.  
  
Emma turned back around to face Mike. "Ma'am, I don't want to be indebted to anyone, or beholden or anything,"  
  
]"You wouldn't be!" Michaela objected. "You aren't!"  
  
"I should just go on to Montana," she continued seeming not to hear Dr. Mike's words. "I could make a new life for myself, maybe work as a dressmaker or something, maybe teach school if they need teachers. I don't have much schoolin', but I know how to read and write and then some and that's loads more n' most of my teachers could do themselves." She shook her head as if trying to erase a bad past from memory. "No one would have to know," she muttered.  
  
Michaela was dumbstruck, absolutely dumbstruck. "You plan on leaving now?" She asked her face showing her disbelief and shock full on.  
  
Emma shrugged. "It'd be better, I'd be on my own. If I wasn't sure Papa'd moved back to the homestead his own self I'd go there to live, there's a town nearby and I could work there."  
  
"Emma do you honestly believe that you can hide this from anyone?" She fumbled for words as if drowning in doubt and the words she chose were the only things that could save her, save Emma.  
  
"Ma'am, I am grateful for your help, an' lettin' me stay with you and all, but I can't stay-  
  
"You can't go anywhere else on a train either, or by horse or by wagon!" Quinn objected her certain knowledge of the grave danger the girl was in gave her surer ground to stand upon and the words flowed freely from her lips. "You'd be putting your very life in danger! Emma, don't you realize that?" She stared at the girl, whose mouth was set in a determined line. "Don't you realize you're-"  
  
She stopped there her mouth unwilling to form the words as her brain was to willingly think the truth. And it must be even worse for her, Michaela thought.  
  
When Emma'd originally shown up at the clinic, it didn't take long for Mike to figure out her "ailment". But it shocked and frightened her, the girl was so small a child herself, the odds of her surviving the delivery were slim even with the best of care. But of course there was the possibility she wouldn't be able to carry the baby to term either, it sickened Mike to realize she favored that outcome.  
  
They'd talked all morning about Emma's family, Emma's father, about being dropped off in a saloon hundreds of miles from home, her escape and subsequent arrival in Colorado Springs. It was lunch time before Mike found the courage to tell the girl she was with child. And when she said it, the girl'd simply turned silent, and then suddenly picked up a conversation that had been begun earlier, asking what Grace was serving that noonday.  
  
Michaela wasn't even certain Emma heard her, or if she did, believed her or understood just what that meant. After lunch, Emma had simply returned to her cot and had fallen asleep.  
  
She might vaguely understand it, Michaela thought already summoning up her courage, but it is my job to make certain that she does understand it, and fully. It was really a terrifying thing to tell a child, Michaela realized, a responsibility no child should ever have to undertake.  
  
She looked Emma in the eye. "Emma, do you understand what this means? What being pregnant means for you?"  
  
She shook her head vehemently. "I think it would be best if I took the next train," she answered.  
  
So that's it, Mike realized, she's in denial. Well, I can't quite blame her, the idea is so impossible. Or, she thought back to the horrid stories Emma'd told her about nights in the saloon, maybe the idea wasn't all that impossible.  
  
She stood up and physically took hold of Emma. "Listen to me," she insisted, "you are pregnant, which means you have a baby on the way- you are not going anywhere. You will stay with my family because I want you there and my family wants you there and whether you want to admit it or not, you like it there as well, I can see it in your eyes. I also know that you need me, you need someone who cares enough about you to look out for your best interests, whether you're pregnant or not." She let out a breath and stared wearily at the girl. "I care about you Emma, and I want to help you get through this."  
  
Emma backed away and stood up. "Get through what? Being pregnant? Having a baby? Taking care of the baby? What?" She shook her head disgusted and paced the room.  
  
"I do not want a baby," she stated firmly. "I do not want to get married, and yet look at me now! I'm a filthy, bad girl who's gonna have a baby whether she likes to or not. I have no say in this- I," her voice choked, "I had no choice."  
  
The hard shell she'd tried to hard to keep up fell from her and the girls thin shoulders slumped. Mike watched as the girl's shoulders and back rose up slowly and fell down again in a sigh of desperation.  
  
"Dr. Mike?" Her voice was small and frightened. She turned again to face Michaela. "What am I gonna do?" Heavy tears rolled down her cheeks although she gulped back her sobs.  
  
Michaela hurried to her and hugged her tightly. "You don't have to worry about anything,"she answered, "I'll take care of it all, you'll see."  
  
To change the subject just the slightest bit Michaela smiled and said, "It seems like you're feeling better this morning."  
  
Emma looked at her from the corner of her eye. "For the moment," she answered hesitantly, "yes."  
  
"Don't worry, you won't be sick for much longer. Nausea during pregnancy usually only lasts for the first three months or so."  
  
"Three months?" Her voice was high pitched and panicked. "I think I'd rather fall off a cliff! Or get eaten by wolves!"  
  
Michaela laughed lightly. "Don't worry, you've only got a couple more weeks of that to go, from the looks of things."  
  
Emma nearly rolled her eyes at her. "That's easy for you to say, you're not the one who's sick."  
  
A moment after the words came out, Emma gasped horrified and slapped a hand over her mouth, her eyes wide. She stared at Michaela.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Dr. Mike, Ma'am. I didn't mean it that way, honest! Ma'd tan my hide if I ever talked like that! Honestly I am sorry! I don't know what's got into me!"  
  
Mike smiled at her. "It's alright. You have every right to be upset Emma."  
  
Emma sighed and leaned towards Mike who could feel her weight her burden sink into her as she leaned against Michaela for support, seemingly drained of all energy.  
  
"I guess I'll have to stay in the house from now on," she whispered, "being sick and all, but once I get better I guess that's where I'll be too."  
  
Mike was well familiar with the practice of putting women into confinement nearly from the moment their pregnancy was discovered. It was hardly for medical purposes, although that was often was it was attributed to, but rather to keep the public from seeing a woman during pregnancy, forcing a woman when in what should be the most anticipated and joyous period of her life to feel ashamed, being hidden away.  
  
"No," she answered shaking her head, "as soon as you're well and over your morning sickness, if you like you may go with Brian to school."  
  
"To school?" She stared at her in confusion. "But won't that embarrass Brian? I don't want to bring shame to you Dr. Mike or to your family. Really it's okay for me to be inside."  
  
"No!" Michaela shook her head hard in disgust. "Absolutely not! You won't shame any of us at all, because you've done nothing wrong to be ashamed of, anyone who can't see that plainly is simply callus and ignorant!"  
  
"Maybe," she answered softly, "but I don't want people staring at me either."  
  
Dr. Mike sighed. "That I don't know if I can help you with that." She was silent then, thinking. Emma sat quietly evidently thinking that was all there was to say.  
  
"If you are going to be staying at the house," she began slowly, "which you will be," she insisted, "you're going to have to tell Colleen and Brian the truth, or at least part of it."  
  
"Brian's too young," Emma objected, "he wouldn't understand such things, he'd ask questions.  
  
You're too young to have to understand it yourself, Michaela thought. She gave further thought to the situation, and Emma was right, Brian would ask questions, too many, out of sheer concern and innocence. "Perhaps it's best then not to speak of it to him, unless he asks first."  
  
"Colleen won't tell him?"  
  
Michaela shook her head. "No."  
  
"If, if you want me to leave the house and all, what if the town folk see me? What'll they say? What should I say?"  
  
"They'll do and think as they usually do- whatever they want. The truth would do little to change their minds-"  
  
"So they'll looked at me and walk to the other side of the street?" She shook her head. "I'd rather not be around them then. Going to school will be enough, kids aren't usually so hard to convince."  
  
This has the potential to become even more difficult than I realized, she thought.  
  
"I don't know if you'd want to go explaining the specifics to them."  
  
"I don't think I want to explain anything at all." She sighed. "I'll go to school as long as I can, before anyone starts noticing anything-" she stopped there and asked, "Just how fat am I gonna get? I mean, will I still be able to wear my dresses?"  
  
There was a look of fear on her face that was almost comical, yet it was a serious concern for a girl of Emma's age, girl that age were concerned and self conscious enough about their looks.  
  
"For a while yes, and then they'll need to be let out," she paused feeling sorry for her, "and then," she shrugged helplessly, "we'll have to get you some new dresses."  
  
Emma looked at her with worried skepticism. "Just how big is my stomach going to get?" She bit her lip and looked at Michaela.  
  
Mike held her arms out in front of her stomach to demonstrate.  
  
Emma's eyes widened and her jaw dropped.  
  
"Oh my!" A look of sick dread came next and she buried her head in her hands. " I can't do this!" She cried. "I don't want to have a baby!" She insisted. "I don't want a baby!"  
  
She looked up at Michaela then and tears were streaming down her cheeks. "I don't have to do I?" She gulped. "I mean if this isn't my fault, I shouldn't have to, right? Right?"  
  
Michaela pursed her lips to keep tears from falling as freely as Emma's, not knowing what to say to her, and yet agreeing wholeheartedly.  
  
"Doctor Mike?" The clinic door opened, and in a moment Colleen appeared in the doorway. She took one glance at Emma however and stepped back. "I can come back," she added hastily.  
  
"No," Michaela answered. She looked into Emma's eyes for confirmation. "Emma has something she'd like to tell you."  
  
Colleen looked sick at the statement, clearly all her hopes for lighthearted girl talk were gone.  
  
Emma just sighed, and looked empty as if resigned to her fate. 


	5. 5

"So, why is she here?"  
  
Colleen evaded the question almost entirely.  
  
"Don't you like having her here?"  
  
Brian shrugged. "Well sure I do! It's nice having someone to go to school with again and all. She's real nice and all the girls like her," he grinned sheepishly, "the older boys do too."  
  
Colleen smiled. "Does that mean you do too?"  
  
"Colleen!" He tried to glare at her, but only succeeded in making her laugh. His mouth puckered in pouty embarrassment. "She's a nice girl, is all."  
  
"Yeah, she is." She grabbed a bed sheet and shoved half of it at Brian. "Here, help me with this."  
  
He obliged, wordlessly helping her fold up the long sheet, and then continuing helping her with the rest, since it was still better than doing homework.  
  
"So, how long is she gonna be here for?"  
  
"I thought you liked her."  
  
"I do! Kinda, not, you know, that way though- she's too old for me a little."  
  
Colleen shook her head and laughed then answered, "Then you shouldn't want her to leave!"  
  
"I don't! I just wanna know how long she's staying for, is all. I mean, I don't want her to leave, that's all."  
  
Colleen shrugged. "Well then."  
  
Brian stopped folding and watched Colleen's face as she continued to fold, unaware of his eyes upon her.  
  
"You know something," he concluded, his voice low, but certain.  
  
Colleen wheeled around to face him, her cheeks pink and her eyes wide with shock.  
  
"What?"  
  
Brian nodded with conviction.  
  
"You know something," he repeated. "I know you know something!"  
  
She turned back to her work seemingly unconcerned. "I know a lot of things Brian, I'm a lot older than you."  
  
"No you're not," he answered, "not anymore. I know almost as much as you do! And you know that's not what I meant! I meant about Emma."  
  
He put his fists on his hips and stared at her, waiting for an answer.  
  
Flustered, Colleen puckered her lips, grabbed the laundry basket with one hand and tossed the folded pieces on top of it with the other. Then she gathered the basket up with both hands, and walked quickly away from Brian.  
  
"I'm going to finish folding these and putting them away. You go chop some more kindling and bring some in and get the fire going so I can start supper when I come back down."  
  
"Colleen!"  
  
She glared at him and nodded to the door. "Go!" Then she spun on her heel and hurried away.  
Emma wasn't as lucky as Brian who'd gone on to school, and for once wished she were in school. Dr. Mike, after thinking about Emma's comment about not wanting the townsfolk to see her, and realizing she'd need new dresses at some point, had decided it would be better to get dress fabric now rather than later. And so, Emma's accompanied Dr. Mike into town that day while Colleen took care of things at the clinic.  
  
First, they'd gone to the store of the man who'd found her in the first place at the train station, an older man with white hair and a tanned face. He'd smiled at Dr. Mike when she entered and his smile widened when his eyes found Emma trailing behind.  
  
"So," he grinned, "here she is, huh? Feeling better?"  
  
She smiled politely and nodded.  
  
Stepping out from behind the glass counter, he approached Dr. Mike.  
  
"When's she gonna be well enough to head back on the train? I assume the railroad'd be willing to let her have a second ticket at a lower price. Unless Colorado Springs was your final destination?" He looked at Emma.  
  
Uh oh, I didn't think about this. She bit her lip and glanced at Dr. Mike.  
  
"Well, actually," Dr. Quinn spoke up, "she was going on, but now she's going to stay here with my family. Sully and I talked it over, and we decided it would be best if Emma got some proper schooling before heading off to-"  
  
"Missouri," Emma finished for her.  
  
Dr. Mike's eyebrows raised at her, but she said nothing.  
  
He knows enough about me already, Emma thought, if he knew where I was really going, maybe he'd be able to find out the rest of the truth too. She shrugged at Dr. Mike, who merely shrugged in return.  
  
"Besides, she can always be a dressmaker, she can't always get a proper education."  
  
Emma smiled, glad Dr. Mike was willing to go with her in some lies.  
  
"I suppose you're right," he answered looking doubtful, and Emma knew right away what he was thinking- why do women need an education?  
  
"Well, what can I do for you two today?" He smiled and Emma noticed it was the typical tradesman smile.  
  
"Actually Emma and I are here to pick out some dress fabric."  
  
"Ah," he nodded approvingly. "Then I'll just fetch Dorothy, and she'll help you out."  
  
I don't need another person to know! Emma thought desperately. Or another person to lie to! She gulped and looked frantically at Dr. Mike.  
  
Dr. Quinn smiled at her.  
  
"No Loren, I don't think that will be necessary, Emma and I can pick it out just fine, thank you."  
  
Emma breathed a sigh of relief, and walked over to the bolts of fabric Dr. Quinn was already standing next to.  
  
"So," she eyed the fabrics appreciatively, "which do you like best?"  
  
Emma was about to point to the dark pink calico print, but then remembered why she was getting fabric, and quickly let her hand drop to her side.  
  
"It doesn't matter to me, Ma'am," she muttered. I won't be going anywhere anyways, I don't care what she says.  
  
In the end, Emma ended up with the fabric, twelve yards of it, to be on the safe side evidently. Dr. Quinn had suggested going to the towns dress maker, but Emma'd objected loudly, and explained quietly she couldn't bear anyone knowing why she'd need a dress made that large when she was so tiny herself. However, Dr. Mike had brought one of Emma's dresses along in case comparison was needed, and managed to be allowed to drop that one off to be let out as much as possible, as it was almost impossible for Emma to even squeeze into the dress she was wearing that day. Once that dress was done, the one she wore would be dropped off.  
  
"I can sew, don't worry. I'll make the dress myself," she assured her.  
  
She didn't see any need to make more than one dress, she'd never owned more than two dresses her whole life, well actually four, two school dresses, and two church dresses, one of each for winter and for summer. She didn't like sewing all that much, and didn't want to make more than one ugly dress. Dr. Quinn had pulled out an old dress makers book of her mothers and it had a maternity pattern in it, that had all the shape and cuteness of a flour sack. At least it'd be simple to make, but that would be the only nice thing about it.  
  
That was what she was upstairs working on when Colleen came into the room with a basket of laundry.  
  
She plopped it down on the bed, where Emma'd placed the yards of fabric. She was still seated at the writing desk busily tracing and measuring onto newsprint, which she'd use as her pattern for the fabric. She'd holed herself in there long before Colleen or Brian came home. Colleen filled in for Doctor Mike only until mid noon, and once their shopping was finished, Dr. Mike went back to the clinic to trade places with Colleen so that she could come home and make dinner.  
  
"Is it all right if I'm in here? I'm not bothering you?"  
  
Grateful for the interruption she turned around and smiled.  
  
"Not at all!" She sighed with relief, then glancing from the laundry basket to Colleen, she figured out what the situation must be.  
  
"Is Brian bothering you?" She asked.  
  
Colleen grinned and sat down on the bed unloading the baskets contents onto the bed, most of which were already folded. "Just a bit."  
  
Emma sighed. "Must be nice," she murmured.  
  
Colleen let out a short sharp laugh. "I guess, but you're not missing much!"  
  
Emma got a wistful look in her eyes, but said nothing, and simply shrugged in response.  
  
After a while, Colleen stopped folding silently and looked at Emma.  
  
"So, just how old are you?"  
  
Emma knew the questions would come, and the direction they'd take. It didn't surprise her. After all if some strange pregnant girl came to live at home with her and her parents, she'd sure have questions.  
  
Emma busied herself with drawing a straight line on the paper and answered quickly, "I'm twelve."  
  
"Oh," Colleen answered, her voice sounding sick.  
  
She heard Colleen shift her weight on the bed, which meant she was now facing Emma. The dress pattern would have to wait, she knew.  
  
She turned around carefully, as she was never quite certain when she'd get sick again. "SO ask."  
  
"Ask what?"  
  
Emma smiled. "All the questions you've got."  
  
Colleen let out a little sigh and her cheeks turned pink with shame.  
  
"I'm sorry," she gushed, "it's just, well I'm glad you told me, because I was worried about you. At least now I know what's wrong with you, but," she sighed, "what happened?"  
  
She'd only told Colleen the absolute basics back at the clinic, nothing more. It was difficult enough to tell her she was pregnant, and see the absolutely horrified look on her face. Emma thought she was going to pass out on the floor, and Dr. Mike'd had to rush over to her and maker her sit down.  
  
"Well," she sighed again, "after my Ma died, I had to take care of my Pa, do the cooking and cleaning and all that. He took me out of school too, which I guess was the right thing to do, I mean you don't see grown women doing anything outside the house anyways. And, since I was running the house, it was my job to stay there."  
  
She glanced out the window, and easier thing to see than another's face, and continued in a monotone.  
  
"I thought I was doing a good job, that me and my Pa would make out just fine, but, but he said after a while it wasn't right for a girl to live alone with just her Pa and no women influences around her. He said he was going to sacrifice and take me to a ladies boarding house where I'd be around women folk and learn lots of new things. Well, I guess it was a boarding house of sorts, but I sure didn't like what I learned." She cleared her throat then, suddenly finding it hoarse and sadly continued.  
  
"It was one of those houses where bad women work, and it was right on top of a saloon, but I didn't know that then," she insisted hating to have Colleen think she'd actually go into such a place willingly, " Pa just said it was loud because it was a hotel and a lot of folks. He took me to the back of the house, and some lady came down stairs and took me upstairs real quick."  
  
She looked earnestly at Colleen tears running down her cheeks, "But the minute I got inside that building I knew it wasn't no boarding house or hotel. And when they shut the door behind me and I followed the lady, I saw the saloon through the windows in the front of the house, and as I was going upstairs I got high enough to see Pa walking through the front doors, but he couldn't see me. He came to the man behind the bar and handed him a whole wad of money," Emma noticed her hands were shaking so she took a deep breath to try and calm her nerves. "The lady saw me dawdling on the steps and came back to get me. She saw my Pa then too, and just smiled and shrugged and said, "Honey, just think of it as your dowry, cuz you're never gonna get married now, just to him," she nodded at the man behind the bar, "and anyone else that wants you here."  
  
Tears came silently from Colleen's eyes, which were wide, her cheeks red and Emma could tell she was holding her breath.  
  
"Oh my gosh!" She cried covering her mouth with one hand in shock. She shook her head helplessly. "I had no idea! I'm so sorry!"  
  
She stared at Emma helplessly. "I, I don't know what to say." She stared hard at Emma trying to understand comprehend the incomprehensible. She shook her head, sickened.  
  
"I'm so sorry," she whispered. Sorry I ever wanted to know, sorry I wanted to be nosy, I'm sorry about everything. So sorry.  
  
After dinner, which Colleen made herself, as Emma didn't trust herself with anything other than biscuits anymore, the family went about their own tasks. Dr. Mike was working on patient records in the parlor, and Colleen sat opposite her reading. Brian was going back and forth between going outside to play with Sully's dog, which Emma had now learned was not really a wold and was nice, and staying at the table where Emma was doing his schoolwork. Sully, Brian had informed her was outside carving something, what though he wasn't sure. There was more light at the dining room table, with it's lamps and the light from the fire in the parlor, so Emma'd moved her fabric and pattern pieces downstairs. Emma had all the room she needed to cut out the pattern of newspaper and fit it to the fabric.  
  
She'd measured, and used lots of pillows for good measure, literally, and was reasonably certain that the finished product would resemble the illustration in Dr. Mike's book. If it looked bad when finished, she'd know she'd made it correctly.  
  
It didn't need to be made right away, Emma knew, but it wasn't something she really wanted to think about, so the best thing was to finish it quickly and forget about it, otherwise it would be forever at the back of her mind, insistently reminding her.  
  
She was cutting the new fabric with large sewing shears in clean even snips, and then she wasn't. Emma watched her steady hand start to shake before her eyes, which were suddenly watery, and she was helpless to control it as much as she tried. The next instant she was bawling, her head buried in her arms on top of the fabric.  
  
Brian hurried over to her, and put his small child's arm around her shoulders.  
  
"What's the matter, Emma?" He asked.  
  
Through her sobs she heard both Dr. Mike and Colleen's quick footsteps hurrying towards her.  
  
"Brian, go on upstairs, or go outside," Dr. Mike's voice was low.  
  
His arms were still around her, then Emma felt him reluctantly let go of her, then heard his feet running and a door slam.  
  
Dr. Mike's arms were around her then holding her as she cried.  
  
"Colleen," she whispered, "take the pattern and fabric." Then, louder she added, "Colleen can finish making the dress for you Emma."  
  
She shrugged Mike's hands off her then and sat up shaking her head.  
  
"No!" She yelled. " I don't want a stupid ugly dress!" She shoved the fabric off of the table violently and threw the scissors onto the ground after them. "I hate it! I don't want it! I don't!" She shoved the chair back angrily in a pout. "I hate it!"  
  
Her voice had heightened to a screaming rage that brought Sully into the house at a run. She shook her head adamantly, her lower lip trembling, and she succumbed to tears of dispair. Dr. Mike held her tightly, rocking her gently back and forth.  
  
"I don't want it!" She moaned, between sobs. "I don't!" 


	6. 6

"I can run faster than you any day!" Emma laughed, completely shocked that a boy younger than she was actually thought he could beat her in a foot race. Sure she was a girl, and it wasn't lady-like to run, but being a lady wasn't something she was often accused of, so it was irrelevant.  
  
"You really think you can run faster than me, just because you're a boy?" She laughed again, scoffing. "Lookit, my legs are longer than yours! I'll beat you quick!"  
  
Brian grinned at her and shook his head. "Uh uh. I can run fast, you'll see."  
  
Emma laughed again and shook her head in disbelief.  
  
"Okay," she smiled, "you're on. Where should we race to?"  
  
Brian smiled from ear to ear and quickly pointed to the woodpile a little ways off.  
  
"First one to get there and back, wins."  
  
Emma almost laughed again. He actually thinks he's going to win!  
  
Brian looked at her dress and sneered. "And saying your skirt's long doesn't count!"  
  
Emma smiled and crouched ready to run. "I'm gonna beat you anyways, so it doesn't matter."  
  
Brian crouched down as well, leaning forward. "Are not."  
  
"Am so," she answered, then motioned to the woodpile. "You ready?"  
  
"Yup." He nodded. "I'll say when."  
  
"Okay." She answered, almost laughing aloud again that Brian honestly thought he could beat her. Should I let him win? Nah.  
  
"Okay." Brian crouched down further and set his gaze to the woodpile. "Ready.set. go!"  
  
Emma leapt out and was ahead of him in one quick stride. She did laugh aloud then, as she easily kept ahead of him. She felt kinda bad for him, but not bad enough to stop laughing.  
  
"I'm gonna beat you!" She called out.  
  
"Nuh uh!" His voice came behind her.  
  
She tapped the woodpile with a finger, giggling like a child, and turned easily running back to the starting point, passing Brian who was just nearing the woodpile as she did so.  
  
She reached their starting point, bending over slightly her hands on her knees so she could catch her breath and laugh at the same time. When Brian caught up, his mouth was puckered in mild annoyance at being beaten by a girl, but she knew he couldn't really be mad at her, he was too good- natured.  
  
And sure enough when he saw Emma laughing he grinned and finally laughed as well.  
  
"Next time," she gasped for breaths between laughs, "race someone your own age!"  
  
She smiled at him. "But you did pretty good, for a kid."  
  
"Well, since you're both out here I can have you both bring in firewood."  
  
Both turned around at the sound of Doctor Mike's voice.  
  
"Ma!" Brian gasped, still catching his breath, "I didn't know you'd be home so early!"  
  
She smiled at him. "Maybe you just lost track of the time?" She offered.  
  
Emma grinned at her. "I beat him," she gushed. "Beat him good too!"  
  
"Did not!" Brian objected, his tone turning to one of genuine hurt.  
  
Emma just smiled.  
  
Michaela put a hand to her shoulder. "Actually Brian, would you mind gathering up the wood yourself? I'd like to steal Emma for a bit."  
  
Brian shrugged. "Sure."  
  
Colleen backed away from the window as Emma and Mike approached the door- which meant she'd been watching. And when they were inside, Emma saw that Colleen looked almost afraid for her, sorry for her.  
  
What's the matter? She wondered, getting a bit worried.  
  
"Emma," Dr. Mike spoke up breaking Emma's train of thought, "why don't you have a seat in the kitchen."  
  
IT wasn't really a question, she knew that much.  
  
Without a word Emma walked to the side of the kitchen and sat down at the table, where Colleen had spread out her makings for dinner. Dr. Mike came in after her slowly and Emma was afraid.  
  
She glanced at Colleen, who looked equally worried, but more you're in trouble worried. She looked back at Dr. Mike.  
  
"Dr. Mike," she began shrinking into the chair, "what's the matter? Did I do something wrong?"  
  
She realized something and added quickly, "I was gonna come right back in and finish helping Colleen- I was just gonna help Brian get some wood and kindling- we just did the race for fun. I was gonna come right back, really. I wasn't shirking."  
  
Dr. Mike closed her eyes and sighed as if she were exhausted.  
  
Emma bit her lip. She must have had a really bad day. This is definitely a bad day to do something wrong. She looked over at Colleen again who had completely stopped preparing food, and just focused on doctor Mike. Emma waited, sick with dread, although she couldn't think of any real reason why.  
  
Mike took a step forward and her eyes fell to Emma seated in the chair, true confusion and innocence in her eyes.  
  
She shook her head, sighed again, walked over to the table and sat down.  
  
"Emma," she began, "you can't be running around like that."  
  
Emma squirmed in her seat, ashamed. "I know, I'm kinda old to do it-"  
  
"That's not why," Mike interrupted.  
  
Emma stared at her, confused.  
  
Mike looked at her in earnest, and began again.  
  
"Emma, you can't run around like that because you're pregnant."  
  
Emma pushed the concern aside as if wiping flour from her hands.  
  
"I don't wanna be," she answered.  
  
Michaela shrugged. "Unfortunately, that doesn't change anything Emma. You are pregnant. You could hurt yourself, or your baby."  
  
At the word baby, Emma jumped like she'd been bitten.  
  
"I don't care," she answered and her voice was shaky and jagged, "I don't want it anyway."  
  
She was full of terror it was obvious, but her eyes dared Mike to contradict her. Mike opened her mouth to speak, but shut it again and stood up. She looked back at Emma sadness written plainly all over her face. She looked at Colleen hopelessly and shrugged, then glanced back at Emma.  
  
She stepped away from the table, raising a hand in resignation.  
  
"I'll be in my study, if you need me," she spoke to Colleen, and left the kitchen.  
  
Colleen looked at Emma, seeming torn.  
  
"I guess I should go upstairs?" Emma offered.  
  
Colleen bit her lip and nodded hesitantly. "Maybe so. For a little while, at least?"  
  
Feeling suddenly drained and very very tired, Emma slowly stood up and walked to the stairway, just as Brian came in with the wood and kindling.  
  
She didn't say anything this time, as she walked past him.  
  
"I'll bring dinner up," Colleen offered, calling after her.  
  
Emma didn't answer. 


	7. 7

She'd been able to attend school with Brian, so that at least let Emma feel like a regular girl, but recently it felt more like torture to be there. All her dresses had been let out as much as possible, and even at that Emma didn't like it too much, because her Ma'd made those dresses with her own hands, and now they were. well, they just weren't her dresses anymore. Like they belonged to another little girl, one who wasn't that little. It made sense in a way, Emma didn't feel like the same girl anymore, and she certainly didn't look the same as she used to. She actually had a tummy now, one that was noticeable as more than "just a tummy". If it were winter she might be able to get away with wearing a shawl, something that would be bulky and cover her up more, but it was spring now. She had no such protection.  
  
The younger girls and the girls her age hardly seemed to notice, but the older girls, the ones closer to Colleen's age, looked at her and snickered and smirked when she came by. Even with Brian at the school, she felt completely alone. But she was glad Brian didn't know what was wrong with her, or really be old enough to notice, care, or ask; she didn't want him to feel as embarrassed and humiliated as she did.  
  
Of course she also had a little more skin in other areas too. Ones that boys noticed just as much as the older girls'd noticed her tummy. But, the boys never seemed to notice that, they were too busy looking at another area. Eventually, Emma stopped going to school all together, the shame from both sexes being more than she could bear.  
  
But now that she was stuck at the house, she felt more of a burden than ever. She tried to be seen studying whenever anyone was around, but during the day, when everyone was gone, school was the last thing on her mind. It was boring. What was the point of learning beyond the basic reading and arithmetic anyway when the best chance for a girl was to get married, or be a seamstress? Of course there was Dr. Mike, and Colleen, and it looked like an education had served them well, but they were definitely in the minority. She wasn't going to become a doctor, that's for sure.  
  
TO occupy the time, she cleaned, cooked all the meals, and she'd used to bring lunch out to Sully and Dr. Mike and Colleen, until she found out that the townsfolk were talking about her. No doubt, she was certain, parents who'd been informed by their snooty daughters.  
  
Today she was busy scrubbing floors, since someone had to do them, and it obviously wasn't going to be Colleen or Dr. Quinn, since neither of them had the time. She'd finished the floor in the kitchen and was working on the front room, when Colleen burst through the door.  
  
Startled and shocked, Emma jerked up, then stopped short, the movement sending searing pain down her back. She just looked at Colleen as she hurried into the house and slammed the door behind her.  
  
Uh oh.  
  
Colleen was red faced, and when she didn't even bother with a glance or word in Emma's direction, Emma knew something was wrong. So, when Colleen headed upstairs to her bedroom, Emma put away her scrub brush and followed right after.  
  
"What's wrong?" She stood in the doorway to ask the question, Colleen having already plopped down on the bed.  
  
It took a minute before Colleen looked up and back at Emma. When she did, Emma saw tears trailing down her reddened cheeks.  
  
She jumped to attention, alarmed, then rushed to the bed.  
  
"Colleen, what happened?" She begged, her eyes wide with fear, horrible images already flooding her mind. "Did someone say something to you, do something to you? What?"  
  
Colleen closed her eyes and shook her head slowly, sadly.  
  
She let out a long sigh before answering. "No, it has nothing to do with me." She was silent for a long while, before she reluctantly added, "It was about you."  
  
Confused Emma just stared at her.  
  
Colleen sighed again, glancing out the window, obviously wanting to focus on something other than Emma's face.  
  
"People were saying things about you," she began, "at the clinic."  
  
"Oh," Emma looked down at the quilt and bit her lip.  
  
"They were saying things, about you being-" she shook her head. "They were talkin'."  
  
Emma remembered telling Dr. Quinn how she didn't want to bring shame to her and her family, and felt bad that just in being kind, Dr. Mike had brought her children into it all.  
  
"I'm sorry you had to hear that," she whispered.  
  
Colleen looked at her then. "Don't you wanna know what they were sayin'?"  
  
Emma shrugged, but said nothing.  
  
"They know you're-" she stopped short, and continued with, "and they think Dr. Mike has something to do with it, that having you hide out here is shameful."  
  
"I'm not hiding out!" She objected. "I'm not afraid of anyone!"  
  
Colleen looked her dead in the eyes. "Then why'd you quit going to school?"  
  
Emma's mouth dropped open, and for a moment she was speechless. But, only a moment. "I stayed here, not goin' out, because I didn't want to shame or embarrass any of you I didn't want to live here- that was your Ma's idea. I wasn't lookin' for a hand out or anything like that, and I'm real grateful that you and your family's been so kind, but," she took in a shaky breath, "I couldn't stay on at that school, with them lookin' at me."  
  
"Well, if people are talking about you when you're staying out of sight, what's the point? If they're going to talk about you anyways, you might as well get out."  
  
"And have them talk more?"  
  
"It couldn't be worse than what some folks are already sayin'," Colleen muttered.  
  
Emma pursed her lips tightly together, and held her chin high. "I won't have them saying it to my face at least. I know what they think of me, it's not my fault! It's," she paused for a long moment as the truth of it dawned on her, "it's my daddy's," she whispered. Even though he hadn't done it directly, his actions, his choice to cast her off, had.  
  
Colleen looked back down to the floor. "Emma," she spoke her words to the floor, " I just don't know, I don't know what we're gonna do about you being," she shrugged, "well, about being here." She sighed. "I don't know what Ma's got planned, but you know and Dr. Mike must know that the talk isn't going to get any better."  
  
"They'll find other things to talk about, in time," Emma whispered softly.  
  
She shook her head.  
  
"What I mean is, how long do you plan on stayin'?" She looked up quickly at Emma. "I don't mean that you have to know or that it's up to you- but, what do you plan on doin' after this?"  
  
"You mean do I plan on living here?" She offered.  
  
Colleen sighed and nodded, almost miserably. Possibly because she didn't want to be seen as uncaring, but it was a perfectly normal worry to Emma's mind. She understood why Colleen'd be upset.  
  
"I don't plan on living here afterward, no," she answered. "I plan on doin' what I was headed out to do before, just get away."  
  
"To where?"  
  
"Somewhere, anywhere that's far away and decent, with nice weather and nice folks."  
  
"Good luck," she heard Colleen mutter low.  
  
"With a baby?" She asked next.  
  
The word sent a jolt through Emma's whole body, making her so uncomfortable that she squirmed.  
  
"I'm not going to take the baby wherever I go," she answered. "I'm not gonna take it anywhere with me. I said I didn't want it, and I still don't. Someone else can take care of it."  
  
"But who?"  
  
Emma wanted to shove Colleen hard, shove her away, for being so, so stupid and uncaring. Didn't she know this was something she didn't want to talk about?  
  
"Whoever!" Her voice was raised now. "I don't care! There's no one that says I have to want it, cuz I sure don't! Let someone who wants a baby have it- I don't care!"  
  
Colleen shrugged. "I think then, you'd better be talking to Dr. Mike about it, so that she can get something set up. You can't just drop it on someone's doorstep."  
  
Emma just shrugged.  
  
Neither girl said anything for a while, simply immersed in their own thoughts. Finally Emma broke the silence.  
  
"Were you really upset that they were talking?" She asked. "Were you upset because of what they said about me, or because it embarrassed you, or because-"  
  
"Because they're trying to make my family look bad!" Colleen's voice was hard, as if Emma'd been trying to accuse her of something. "And it's embarrassing to hear them talk about you," she pursed her lips as if she'd eaten something terrible, "about you being pregnant!" Again, the sour look punctuated her sentence.  
  
"It's embarrassing for me," Emma shot back, "and I'm the one that has to be pregnant!" She rolled her eyes and muttered, "At least you don't have to live it."  
  
"I, we," Colleen countered, "do have to live it. Because what you do reflects on us."  
  
Emma's mouth dropped open, and before she knew it, her hand flew out and slapped Colleen hard on the cheek. Then she jumped up from the bed, quivering with rage, and stood over Colleen.  
  
"I didn't do anything!" She screamed. "I can't help this anymore than you can, so don't you blame me! I didn't ask for this, and it wasn't my idea to live at your house!"  
  
Furious at being struck, yet still trying to contain herself, Colleen answered quickly, " And what would you have done, if Dr. Mike hadn't looked at you? If she hadn't offered to let you stay here? Where would you be then?"  
  
"Colleen Cooper!"  
  
Both girls froze. The temperature of the room seemed to drop noticeably, and Emma shuddered. Ashamed, Colleen stole a side-glance to the doorway. Emma didn't have the nerve to lift her gaze from the floor, where her eyes'd fallen after hearing Dr. Quinn's voice boom across the room. She wondered how long she'd been standing there, if she'd seen her hit Colleen.  
  
This is all my fault, she realized, if I could just keep my temper for one minute- I was never like this before! They're all nice enough to let me stay here, probably not after this though, but this is how I repay them- I pick a fight.  
  
"Colleen," Dr. Quinn's voice continued, "I'd like to speak with you downstairs. Emma, I'll be up shortly to speak with you."  
  
Colleen rose from the bed and slowly walked to the door and followed the doctor out.  
  
Emma heard Dr. Mike saying, as they went down the stairs, "It's a good thing I came home from the clinic early, any later and the two of you might be having an all out brawl on the floor!"  
  
Once their footsteps had receded, Emma fell onto the bed, wishing she could just disappear. 


	8. 8

"You have to make her go out," Colleen insisted. "She's got herself locked up in the house! Pretty soon, she'll lock herself up in the bedroom, because once her stomach gets bigger she won't want anyone to see her!" "I don't think it'll get quite that bad Colleen." "But, let's not change the subject. I came into the house- I could hear the two of you from outside!" Colleen sighed and looked down at her lap, ashamed. "I'm sorry Ma," she began her voice earnest, "I don't know what I was thinking." Dr. Mike gave a small chuckle. "It doesn't seem to me as though you were thinking," she smiled gently to break off any harshness. "You have to remember that Emma is in a very precarious emotional state as it is, not to mention the added strain of knowing that her father sold her to a brothel so that he could run off and live as.well, as a bachelor again." She leaned back slightly in the chair. "It seems to me as though she'd have every right to be sensitive. And yes, besides that she going to be irrational, and have temper tantrums and be miserable when she isn't furious, all moods that are very normal for women in her condition. The fact that she is essentially a child with little self control as it is, only compounds all that. Regardless, you shouldn't have bothered her with questions she no doubt hasn't got a clue on. Right now her concern, and I'd like it to remain so, is to get through this pregnancy- not figure out where she's going to go after she has the baby."  
  
Colleen had remained silent and repentant on the whole issue, but at the mention of the baby she spoke again. "You might want to talk to her about that." "About what?" "The baby," she answered. "She doesn't want it." Michaela nodded silently. "I can see why she wouldn't." "But wouldn't most girls her age want a baby? They think they're cute." Michaela shook her head. "We shouldn't foster that idea, they're much more than cute, they're a lot of work, more responsibility than you can even imagine. Most girls would like their mothers to have a baby, so that they can play with it, they don't think about all the work their mothers have to do in taking care of it. Most likely Emma is aware that having a baby isn't like having a doll. It's more work than she's willing to take on." "So.what are we going to do?" "Well, I'm sure there are families that would want a baby-" "We're not going to take the baby in, are we?" She asked, horrified. "No! No, of course not!" Micheala laughed. She shook her head ademantly. "There's other people who'd be more than willing to take in a baby." "Like who?" Michaela looked at her strangely. "Colleen, you don't have to worry about this, all right?" Colleen looked her square on. "I can't stop worrying until I know there's a solution," she insisted. Micheala rose from the sofa, then bent and kissed Colleen on the forehead. "I'm looking into options- I'll take care of it, you don't need to worry." She straightened up again and put a more sober look on her face. "And in the meantime, be very careful around Emma. Don't treat her like a baby, but don't bring up things that are painful for her. You'll be better off if you just ignore her pregnancy." Colleen stifled a laugh. "Don't speak to her about it, don't bring it up- understood?" Colleen nodded. Michaela shook her head, still shocked at the girl's outburst, as she headed back upstairs to speak with Emma. With a heavy heart, as she found she always disliked discussing the girl's predicatment, and a long sigh, Michaela opened the bedroom door, ready to face tears, accusal, anything. Since at this point, anything was possible. I wonder if she's realized she's too big for those dresses now? The question played at her mind as Michaela's eyes fell to the bed, where Emma lay sound asleep, apparently after having cried her eyes out on the pillow. Michaela dared a half smile, retreated from the room silently, and shut the door behind her. "Ma?" Michaela turned around, startled, at the sound of Brian's voice. "Brian!" She exclaimed. "What are you doing home so early? I've never known you to rush home so fast." She grinned about to laugh, then stopped abruptly, examining Brian's face. "Is anything wrong?" She asked, concerned suddenly. Brian grinned widely, and Micheala sighed in relief. But just as she did, she saw the familiar look of guilt and uncertainty cross his face. "What is it?" She asked. Brian bit down on his lips, and glanced at the closed door. "Is she asleep?" He asked, lowering his voice. Michaela nodded, and knew right away that this wasn't a simple school yard problem. "Would you like to go downstairs to talk?" She offered, keeping her voice low as well. Brian looked immediately relieved and nodded. Colleen was already starting dinner, when she and Brian sat down in the parlor to talk. Although as uncomfortable as Brian had become, it was more likely that Michaela herself would be doing most of the talking. "Ma, some of the kids at school've been talking." Brian kept his eyes glued to the table and fiddled with his pockets. "Really? Talking about what?" She knew the answer, but she had to ask. Brian shrugged. "A-about Emma," he muttered. He bit his lips and dared a glance at Michaela. "They been sayin' some things." Michaela didn't answer. Best to let him say it all, and then answer any questions. "Like, why she's not in school." His eyes shown in earnest as he proclaimed, "But I told them she's been sick, real sick!" He nodded. "That's what I told them." Michaela smiled gently. "And what did they say?" Brian looked miserable, as if he were ill. "Ma, is she gonna have a baby?" He blurted the question out as quickly as possible. It was a simple answer, if only the feelings around it were the same, Michaela thought. She sighed and looked Brian in the eye. They, she Sully Emma and Colleen had agreed that it was best to wait until Brian brought the issue up, before saying a word on why Emma was really there. Dr. Mike nodded sadly. "Yes, Brian," she answered, "she is." His small forehead wrinkled in confusion, as his mind tried to grasp the whole concept. "So, that's why she's here?" Michaela nodded. "But, Ma, isn't she too young? She's just a kid like me, and she's not even married." She tried to fight off the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach whenever she thought about Emma's age. It was a concious effort not to follow the natural train of thought, the possibility that "Ma?" Michaela gasped startled out of her thoughts. Not that she was sorry to have the distraction. She nodded at Brian. "Yes, that's why she's here." Brian nodded at ease now with this new information. "So, when's she gonna have the baby?" There was a light in his eyes and Michaela knew he was already picturing having a new little toy to play with. She tried to conceal her reservations as she replied simply, "In a few months." "Oh." He stood up then, his curiosity filled. "I just thought you should know, the kids at school are teasing her. I don't know for sure what they're saying, they quit talking as soon as I come up, but I know they're talking about her." Michaela nodded. Along with the rest of the town, she thought. " Thank you for that information, Brian." She smiled. "Now go and wash up, supper will be ready soon." After Emma awoke, Michaela managed to coax her into one of her new dresses, one she'd actually had made up for her, since she knew neither she nor Colleen would have the time to sew it. And of course the idea of Emma making it herself was out of the question. The dress was a beautiful pink calico and the look of it was more like a night shift than a dress. It had no waist, merely vast amounts of fabric. It was to be worn with an apron, to give the appearance of a waist. And, until the girl's stomach grew further, one couldn't tell that she was pregnant at all, where in a waisted dress, it was apparent. Although none of these first attributes worked to entice Emma to put the dress on, it was more of a struggle than Michaela had imagined. The girl'd pouted, argued, sulked, and nearly kicked her once. Michaela was thankful that Emma'd gone on a walk with Brian after dinner that night, she was slightly relieved. It felt like the first time she'd had a moment to relax in ages. Of course that gave her the time to think about other things as well. This isn't going to get any easier, she thought. 


	9. 9

This writer is having a bad day and a horrible horrible month. Yes there's spelling errors. Yes, there's a lot that sucks. Too bad. Deal with it! I just had to write something, do something to get my mind off the icky things going on in my life. Ugh.  
  
The day had started out well enough, at least from sun-up until breakfast. But Michaela supposed it had been foolish of her to think it would stay that way. She was used to the  
  
hectic out of the ordinary things happening in town or in her clinic, but the time spent in  
  
her own home was usually comfortable and stable. Then again, she'd never had a  
  
pregnant child residing in her home, either. More and more often Michaela wondered  
  
how on earth she'd gotten herself into the situation in the first place.  
  
Originally, Emma'd been incredibly kind and gracious, but as time wore on, she must  
  
have tired of the effort it took to be cheerful. Now, the girl was sullen, withdrawn, often  
  
times downright rude. Mike reminded herself that this was all normal, as she'd said to her  
  
patients and their husbands many times before, but then again, she'd never had to  
  
experience any mood changes first hand.  
  
By breakfast the uneventful morning had been turned upside down. Michaela'd been  
  
preparing patient records at one end of the table, while Colleen was busily studying out of  
  
one of her old medical school texts at the other. Emma, her day-long morning sickness  
  
having abaited, prepared breakfast with Brian's eager assistance.  
  
She was nearly finished with her last record, when the sudden clattering crash of tin followed by a sharp gasp made her jump out of her skin. Whipping her head around she  
  
was Emma standing in the middle of the room, a tin serving dish at her feet, and a look  
  
of horror frozen on her face.  
  
Michaela'd lept up from her chair, and was at Emma's side in an instant.  
  
"Emma, what is it?" She demanded, at the exact time Colleen snapped,  
  
"Brian, go outside and help Sully!"  
  
She was at Emma's side the very next instant, but Michaela barely had time to be shocked at Colleen's tone, realizing then how on edge she was about Emma's condition- just as much as Mike herself was.  
  
Worried, confused, and Michaela assumed, hurt, Brian to his credit had obeyed instantly, leaving the women alone.  
  
Emma hadn't spoken, moved or breathed, just stayed frozen in place her eyes wide.  
  
"Where does it hurt?" Colleen asked.  
  
Finally, Emma took in a breath, her frozen face seemed to cave in and her eyes grew damp. She gulped down a near sob, her breathing broken and shallow as she answered.  
  
"What," she began staring at Mike, her face still plainly showing fear, "What is it-" She honestly seemed to be squirming in place now, and looked as if she might vomit. When she proved unable to explain further, Michaela put a hand to her stomach, then drew it back in amazement, and looked at Colleen announcing with some shock,  
  
"It's kicking."  
  
Horrified Emma stared at her. "What is?"  
  
"The baby," she answered her, and sighed a silent breath of relief. It won't be much longer though, she reminded herself, and felt ill at the thought.  
  
"Make it stop," she ordered, breaking Mike out of her thoughts abruptly.  
  
Colleen turned a laugh into a choked cough, and obviously relieved relaxed and stepped back aways.  
  
Michaela stared at her. "I can't do that Emma," she answered.  
  
"You have to!" She insisted, frantic. "It's horrid! Disgusting!" Her breathing was fast now, her face contorted, Michaela thought she might go into hysterics. "You have to do something!"  
  
She shook her head. "I'm sorry Emma. It's natural. The baby needs to move around just like you do."  
  
Emma shook her head ademently, violently, no. "No," her voice was stern, "you make it stop! You make it stop right now! Now!"  
  
She caught Colleen's gaping stare of amazement and smiled slightly knowing her shock at the girl's language towards her and manner. Michaela shook her head again repeating more forcefully, "I can't do that Emma."  
  
"I don't care!" Her voice was shrill. "You will do something! I don't care if it wants to move- it's disgusting! I hate it, it makes me sick. And now it wants to makes it's presence known? I don't want to feel it moving! It's bad enough- she stopped short and finished with, "it's disgusting."  
  
She put a hand to her stomach, her mouth twisted in a look that was between eating sour food and bursting into tears. She looked like she wanted to be so far away from her body, from the child inside her Michaela was sure she'd run away from herself if it were possible.  
  
Emma shook her head again looking nauseated, her voice suddenly became calm as she announced, "If you won't do something about it, I will. It's like having the food you just ate start moving," she observed quietly. "I hate it. It's disgusting, it hurts too," she noted glaring at Michaela as if that were her fault, "and I won't have it! I won't! I wish it was dead! I don't want it, and I don't want it disturbing me before a meal either!" "Just because it wants to move," she scoffed. "Well too bad. I want my life back." She shook her head. "Too bad for it."  
  
She scowled, then turned without further comment and left out the back door.  
  
Michaela let out her breath in a long huff and looked at Colleen, who was staring at her, her mouth still agape.  
  
"Well, that's that, I suppose." Michaela answered her silent comment.  
  
"Ma," she breathed, "I can't believe she said that to you!" She shook her head and sank back down into her chair in amazement.  
  
"What are we going to do?"  
  
Mike raised an eyebrow and looked at her with surprise.  
  
"We?"  
  
Fortunately the rest of the day proved to be comparatively uneventful. Michaela was thankful when she got home later for supper that Emma was composed, and that everyone was in a good mood.  
  
They'd started in on the meal Colleen'd made up, when Mike heard horse's hooves in the distance. Not coming fast enough for an emergency, but headed in their direction. Defiantly, she put a forkful of potatoes in her mouth. I'm not getting up, she told herself, not until there's a knock on the door, and someone asks for me. After all, it could very well be a caller for Colleen or even Sully. Content in that thought, she pushed any worry aside and continued to eat.  
  
When she heard boots coming up to the door, and an unfamiliar whistle, Michaela still continued to eat.  
  
Emma let out a gasp of shock, and Mike groaned inwardly. Not again, she thought. But, looking in her direction, she saw to her shock that Emma was already on her feet, her face white as a sheet.  
  
Startled, Michaela sat up, and called out to Colleen, certain Emma was going to faint.  
  
As the footfalls neared the door, Emma suddenly bolted, and raced from the room, and upstairs, slamming Colleen's bedroom door behind her.  
  
Mike stared in the direction Emma's gone. I'd never imagine a pregnant woman could move that fast, she thought.  
  
Her trained ear could pick up the girl retching at the same time she heard the knock. She glanced in the direction of the door, and saw Sully was already at it, opening it. And with sudden unexplainable dread, Michaela stood up and went to the door to stand with Sully, knowing whoever it was, they weren't there for doctoring.  
  
She came to the door, and looked at the man standing there, a rough looking man at that, and realized Emma's stopped wretching, and that the whole house was errily silent. Sully, seemingly senseing something as well, stood protectively in front of her, to a degree.  
  
"Can I help you?" He asked the man.  
  
The stranger nodded with one shake of his head at Sully.  
  
"I'm here for my daughter." 


	10. 10

Me and my family were just settin' down for dinner," Sully explained.  
  
The man inclined his head and shrugged apologetically. "I'm right sorry for that, but my daughter's mighty precious to me. She ran away from home, and I mean to bring her back and apologize for any wrong doing I may have done her." He bowed to Michaela. "Name's Tim Hudson, by the way."  
  
Outraged, Michaela opened her mouth to sprew the novel of hate she had for this man. But Sully quickly grasped her arm, and looked at her sternly.  
  
Sensing there might be something more to the situation, Mike closed her mouth,realizing what must be done- a bit of play acting. She'd play the submissive wife, if it meant saving Emma's life.  
  
"We're sorry to hear that," Sully answered him, bobbing his head regretfully. "I'm sorry also if some wild goose chase led you here. We have nothing but our own children here."  
  
The man looked at him suspiciously. "You all wouldn't mind if I took a look for myself, now would you?"  
  
"We certainly would mind!" Mike spoke out, sternly. Sully gave her a warning look and Mike changed her tone and smiled. "What I mean is I don't feel right taking a stranger into my home, it just isn't safe anymore. Especially a person on an errand without merit. We have no daughter here but our own. My husband's word alone should be enough to assure you."  
  
"I'm sorry ma'am," he tipped his hat. "But talk around town tells me different. I hear in the saloon"  
  
"I hear there's a lot of folk in the saloon that are too drunk to hear anything, but are foolish enough to tell a man whatever he wants to hear, whether it be true or not." Sully answered.  
  
Hudson seemed to sense something and looked at Sully intently. "What I hear is that some doctor has my daughter, and everyone in this town of yours pointed me in the direction when I said I was lookin' for a doctor."  
  
"We have no one here."  
  
He changed his tone. "I'm right appreciative you want to look after my daughter, an' I'm more than willing to pay any docotor's fees if my girl is hurt. I wouldn't want her to be a burden on anyone-"  
  
Michaela was fuming, it took all her self control to keep from screaming at the man. Burden?! Who did he think he was?  
  
It was at that moment Michaela noticed that the man had two guns, one at each hip. How did he find us? She wondered.  
  
"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to step aside."  
  
Michaela recognized Matthew's voice coming from behind Hudson. Oh no, she closed her eyes for a moment. This is a bad time to come for dinner. She knew Matthew couldn't see the man's weapons.  
  
Sully looked as though he were about to speak up, then made the decision not to. Hudson turned slowly to face Matthew, spitting out as he did so, "And who's askin' me to?"  
  
She heard and saw Matthew step forward.  
  
"The sheriff, that's who," he answered.  
  
The man seemed taken aback for a moment, then laughed.  
  
"This got to be some kind of joke! I got horses older 'n you!"  
  
Matthew looked Hudson square in the eye, wearing the intent glare that had made men old and stronger than he back down. Which was a good thing, Michaela couldn't count the times she'd lain awake worrying. Personally she thought he was too young to be sheriff, the job was much too dangerous.  
  
"If you'd like the test the fact Hudson," he spat the name out, "I got place for you to stay the night n' then some."  
  
The man was silent for a long moment. "I'm here lookin' for my daughter."  
  
Matthew nodded. "I figured as much."  
  
"How'd you figure?"  
  
"Word gets around."  
  
He stared at Mattthew. "I take it then you know where my daughter's at?"  
  
Matthew shrugged. "She ain't here, if that's what your askin'."  
  
The man glared at Matthew. "I ain't got time for games."  
  
"Why don't you follow me," he offered. "Might be able to lead you in a better direction."  
  
The man put a hand to Matthew's shoulder. "I heard from a good number that she was here," he paused and looked up at the house, "what are you hiding?"  
  
Matthew looked unconcerned. "What you might want to ask is, what those other folks're hiding."  
  
He man didn't budge.  
  
Matthew turned back to him, and for the first time Michaela saw his patience lessening. "Look here mister, we can go along, or I can take you along," his tone was harsh. "Your choice." He looked at Michaela and Sully and nodded. "Right now you're disturbing decent folk, who could charge you on any number of things. I'd suggest you decide to follow me."  
  
Still looking unconvinced, the man glared at Matthew, then spat to the ground. Grimacing he turned and gave a curt nod to Michaela and Sully. "I thank you for your time, forgive me for any disturbance," he growled.  
  
Sully nodded to him, and he turned back to Matthew, walking to his horse.  
  
As the two rode away, Michaela looked to Sully. "Don't you think you should follow after them?"  
  
Sully looked after them and shook his head. "He's a grown man Michaela, he can look out after his own affair."  
  
She stared at him incredulous.  
  
"' Sides sounds to me like he's got a plan of his own."  
  
They stepped back into the house, both Hudson and Matthew gone from view.  
  
Not a moment after the door had closed, Brian came into the room.  
  
"Ma!" He called out, running up earnestly to Michaela. " I think Emma's sick."  
  
He stared at her. Michaela turned and stared at Sully, feeling ill herself, and held onto his arm for support.  
  
"Y' don't look that well yourself," Sully muttered, gathering his arms around her tightly. She let out a long sigh, feeling helpless and weak.  
  
"Brain," Sully's voice was low, "why don't you do your ma a favor, and clear up what's left of dinner, all right?"  
  
"Sure Sully!" He nodded eagerly, racing back to the other room.  
  
Michaela glanced in the direction of the stairway and buried her head into Sully's chest. "I can't do this," she moaned.  
  
She felt his lips on the top of her head, and heard his voice answer softly, "You got to, she ain't got no one else."  
  
Michaela shook her head. "I feel sick," she whispered.  
  
"Nah," Sully's voice was strong, "just a lil' nervous, that's all." He held her out at arms length and smiled encouragingly at her. "You've done this tons of times."  
  
She shook her head, miserable. "No I haven't Sully. Nothing like this." She could feel her heart pounding in her chest, and the knot in her stomach felt tighter at each moment.  
  
Sully shrugged. "Least you can do is go upstairs and tell her her pa's gone," he offered. "Seems to me he'd be enough to make anyone sick."  
  
Michaela forced a laugh and made herself let out her breath slowly. I can do this she reminded herself. She looked over at Sully. I have to.  
  
Taking a deep breath in she looked again at the stairs. Emma's still months away from a due date, she reminded herself, but that fact didn't do much to dissuade her apprehension. Anything could happen after all, and she had to be prepared.  
  
I just wish there was someone else to do this, she thought.  
  
Sully gave her hand a squeeze, and Michaela used that strength to propel her up the stairs to Colleen's bedroom. After all, she didn't know for certain that the girl was in labor. Although with the way things had gone that day, it wouldn't surprise her.  
  
"From one bad thing to the next," she whispered. 


	11. stupid computer

She opened the door to find Emma curled up on the bed, clutching the corners of a quilt around her body. Evidence of dinner was in the wash basin and as Michaela stepped closer she saw the terror- stricken gaze fixed on the wall. The girl's pulse was throbbing so hard that Michaela could count the beats easily from the artery in Emma's neck. Her face was white and her hands shook. She looked positively sick with dread, just the same way Michaela herself felt- although, for different reasons.   
  
"Emma?" Her voice came out like a low croak, her mouth dry.  
  
Then she saw Emma gulp hard, thinking she might very well vomit again. Her small head rose from the bed, and she looked at Mike with eyed half crazed with fright. She's entitled to it, Mike thought.  
  
"Don't let him take me!" She cried. "Please, Dr. Quinn! Don't let him take me! Please!" Mike stepped closer to Emma's side. "No one's going to take you anywhere," she answered, her voice regaining it's familiar tone. Then she sat carefully at the side of the bed, putting her hand on Emma's shoulder.  
  
"How did he find me?" She demanded. "How did he know I was here?"   
  
Mike sighed heavily, wishing she knew the answers.  
  
"He's not going to take you," she repeated. "Matthew will see to that." I hope, she added silently.  
  
  
  
"But there's nothing you can do," Emma contradicted. "By law I belong to him. He can take me if he wants. He can bring the law after you!" Her eyes were wide in child like awe and terror at the thought.  
  
Mike smiled proudly and answered, "My son is the law. He'll make sure you stay safe."   
  
She wondered what Matthew had in store, wishing she or Sully could find reason to follow after him and find out just what his plans were, if indeed Matthew had a plan at all.   
  
"Your father has no proof that you are here," she continued. "He can't do anything."   
  
Emma let out a breath. "You're sure?" Her voice wavered.  
  
Her voice sounded brightened and small, but no longer desperate and terrorized. She just needed re-assurance now, to bolster her.   
  
"I'm sure." She grinned widely, running a hand over the girls' forehead, sweeping aside stray hair. "I promise you are safe, Emma."  
  
A faint smile lit her face, Emma sighed again, and visibly un-tensed from her cramped pose   
  
  
  
"How are you feeling now?" Mike whispered.  
  
"Better Ma'am" her voice answered, muffled by pillow.  
  
Michaela bent down and kissed her forehead, before carefully turning down the wick of the lamp.  
  
"Just sleep now, Emma," she ordered softly, "things will look better in the morning. No one can hurt you here."  
  
She crept back down the hall, feeling worn out. She noticed Brian was already in bed, seemingly oblivious, while Colleen,  
  
"Ma!"   
  
Mike jumped.  
  
Colleen came into view, smiling apologetically. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." She glanced past Mike to the bedroom door. "IS she okay?"   
  
Wordlessly she nodded.  
  
"But she's not going to be okay for long," Colleen added, striking right to the heart of the matter.   
  
Michaela thought about the girl's father and impending labor, realizing Colleen could be rightly referring to either.  
  
She let out a breath loudly, and squared her shoulders. "She's going to be all right for as long as I can help it," she answered.  
  
Colleen nodded. "Well, I figured that part already." She glance back at Brian's room, then took Michaela by the elbow, leading her further away and down the stairs.   
  
"What are we going to do about Brian?"  
  
Michaela stared at her in confusion. Brian?  
  
"I mean, I guess she's going to have the baby here?" Colleen looked at her questioningly.  
  
Michaela put a hand to her forehead. "I admit, I hadn't thought that far ahead."  
  
Colleen looked worried. "Ma, it's not far ahead anymore."  
  
Again, Michaela felt pitifully inadequit, and for a moment found herself wishing her father were there, someone who could take charge of the situation, so that she wouldn't have to.  
  
"Do you have any ideas?" She asked. "I'm open to them."  
  
Colleen licked her lips, casting another glance towards Brian's closed bedroom door.  
  
"I was thinking he could stay with Matthew?"  
  
Michaela nodded. "Considering what's going on right now, I'd feel best if he were," she conceded.  
  
Colleen nodded, obviously relieved.  
  
"I suppose you and your brothers could manage to stay under the same roof without having an all out war?" She grinned.  
  
"Me?" She shook her head. "Ma, I was planning on staying here, with you."  
  
Michaela backed away a few paces, regarding Colleen warily. "I don't think so," she answered slowly. "I don't think that's the best idea in this case."  
  
"But Ma, I've helped tons of times, you know I'm just as good as anyone else around here, if not better-"  
  
Michaela smiled at her. "I know that," she answered. "I just don't think in this particular case, it would be such a good idea."  
  
Colleen's stance told Michaela she remained unconvinced.   
  
Mike laughed lightly, and hugged her. "We'll see, okay?"   
  
Colleen hugged her back, smiling.  
  
"Now, why don't you run on to bed? It's been a long, and interesting night."   
  
Colleen made her way up the stairs, but then stopped and turned back around.   
  
"But, what about that man? Emma's father?" She gave a questioning look.  
  
"Your brother knows what he's doing. And besides, I'm here, and so is Sully. Don't worry, we're all safe."  
  
Again, Colleen looked doubtful, but she said nothing, simply turned back and went along upstairs.  
  
Sully met her a step away and gathered her into his arms. "All's well?" He asked, planting a kiss.   
  
She smiled, tired and nodded. "For now, at least."   
  
He pulled at her arm, leading her to the stairway. "That's good enough for me."  
  
Mike pulled back shaking her head in astonishment. "How can you be so unworried?" She'd meant to be stern, but the kidding look on Sully's face made it impossible.  
  
He grinned more widely, and inclined his head. "What good has worrying done for anyone?"   
  
He laughed, and pulled Mike to him again, then held her close and led her to the bedroom.  
  
"Every door is locked," he murmered, "every evil gone. No more worries tonight," he assured her.  
  
Mike sighed and leaned into his arms, letting him support her weight. Oh Sully, she answered wordlessly, I hope you're right. I really hope you are. 


	12. again, I hate my computer

Am I lucky or what? This may be changed and un-rough drafted once I unbreak my computer. Which, at the moment, has all my documents holed up inside including the finished copy of this chapter- with no signs of release anytime soon. I'm annoyed. So I just let spell check do it's thing and am throwing this up until I can get my stuff free from my home computer.

Emma woke up when the door closed. Well, really she had been awake for quite some time, but caught between complete exhaustion and pain her very brain felt as though it were asleep.

The pain robbed her of breath, paralyzed her. The slightest movement was impossible, her body from the waist down was one solid knot of pain, pain so sharp she would have screamed if she could have. But the pain constricted all her muscles, paralyzed them in fear perhaps. So she was helpless, in agony, but unable to do anything about it. In the rare seconds her body wasn't trying to torture her, she wanted to yell, to cry out for help, but her throat was dry and sore, and she could get out no more than a pitiful moan. It sounded like the defeated whimperings of a dying animal, like one caught in a trap.

She knew the sound. Having no boys in the family she often went with her father to help him gather animals he'd caught in his traps. Sometimes they were dead, or empty, but sometimes not. Sometimes the poor creature would still be alive. The animal would be either mad with pain from the metal teeth clenched into its leg bone, even trying to chew it off to be free, or the animal would be weak, lying there, panting and whimpering.

Emma closed her eyes at the memory. Why that, now? She wondered.

She sure felt trapped though, in her own body, and just as helpless as those poor animal's. She'd do anything to be free of it too. She wished for Dr. Mike, for anyone really- except her father.

Where had they all gone? She tried to remember and failed. Time escaped her as well as nothing was very pressing other than pain, everything else was haze covered, like being half asleep.

She swallowed, or tried to, the motion felt like swallowing sand, and thought she remembered something. Something that might have been a dream. Or not. It had seemed dream-like though, hadn't it? But the pain was there, that was certain. So much that came in a sudden stab it made her gasp, too afraid to cry out. The door had just opened, and a voice had asked...something. Or said something. But the idea was that she would be left alone. Left alone while someone got breakfast, or went to town, or went to school. But she'd be alone. And she'd made a sound that sounded like, alright. I'm fine. Don't worry about me. But then she'd thought the pain was a temporary thing, even a normal thing, like the baby inside her kicking. Either way, it wouldn't be right to snivel about it. No sense in worrying anyone.

It seemed like days ago, but perhaps it had only been hours. Maybe even minutes.

A sigh of breath escaped her lips, and Emma had enough blessed time to be thankful that her body wasn't stabbing her with pain. Now she could be conscious of other things. The heat on her face, her cheeks. Places where sweat had rolled right down her. But she was cold. She felt a shiver nearly as often as she felt hot. As if she had one foot in a blizzard and another on the blazing sun.

She moaned and heard the word Ma echo through the room softly.

She let out a short cry, before the sound itself was cut short. Pain wrapped itself around her hips and stabbed between her legs and up her back. She bit down on her tongue, her eyes shut tight as she tried to breathe cautiously. It seemed whatever was wrong with her body, it didn't like her to move, and movement of her lungs didn't go unnoticed. She had to try to trick this thing into thinking she wasn't moving. She snuck in the tiniest breaths she could until the room spun around her and she lay limp across the bed.

When she opened her eyes there was no pain. In that moment of clarity she remembered the gun Pa always kept at the table by the bed. She sure wished it was there now. Maybe, she thought sleepily, it was.

It seemed to take all her strength to look up from the bed even with her eyes alone, not moving her head at all. Movement of her head? The thing that had a hold of her was sure to leap at this opportunity to chastise her, gleeful at another chance to pain her.

Her eyes saw the floorboards, and the small side table. With effort they traveled up the table legs to its tip, where the edge of the water basin was visible.

Water! Her throat ached with longing. There was always water in the pitcher, her mind told her. She sighed sadly. There wasn't a way for her to get that water, even though it was barely more than arm's length away.

Unexpectedly a pain so vicious squeezed on her belly, then stabbed as true as a sword into the bottom of her back that a scream was wrenched from her lips. Crying sounds wracked her body. The exhale of breath left a hollow in her middle, which the pain took up upon and squeezed and squeezed until she vomited. Then she remembered that it had been Colleen who had opened the door and spoke to her, because she'd made her eat a slice of bread, since she knew Emma hadn't eaten the night before.

The throat burned like fire, and tears fell from the corners of her eyes. She had to get that water. If she was going to die, she was going to die, but she just needed one gulp of water first. God wouldn't make his creatures suffer this way, she thought, trying to swallow the fire, maybe I have already died, and this is hell.

That thought seemed to bolden her and strengthen her. Carefully, as her arms and legs wouldn't stop shaking, Emma began the heavy task to removing the bed clothes so that she could sit up. Removing them halfway so that she could slide out, she felt wet, realizing absently that her whole half of the bed was soaked. But she didn't care. I'll clean it up later, she told herself. But I need water. Water first.

Taking a breath, and steadying herself at the edge of the bed, she stood up. The floor waved beneath her feet like water. Emma held to the bedstead until the movement stopped. Then she shuffled forward to the side table. To the water.

"So, you're sure he's gone?"

Colleen's eyes met hers as she looked up from the patient records she was helping to update. Not that she'd done much updating, Michaela couldn't help but notice that Colleen had spent most of the morning starting at the records, but it was clear she wasn't seeing them.

Michaela held the heavy fold of a blanket between the width of her arms and sighed aloud.

"Sully said Matthew took him straight back to the saloon-after telling all that were there they ought to consider recanting their previous story as to Emma's whereabouts, or that she wasn't at all the new girl in town."

Colleen still looked anxious. And dubious.

Michaela had to admit that even she felt similarly. As much as she trusted Matthew, she didn't always want to trust his ability. In her eyes he was still a young boy, barely older than Brian was now.

She folded the blanket once more and draped it over her arm as she added, "And after helping Mr. Hudson to several rounds of drinks, he escorted him to the train depot. No doubt assuring him of some other location his daughter is in."

"You don't think it'd just be best to arrest Mr. Hudson?"

"A jury wouldn't look favorably upon the case, I don't think. Besides, for the moment it's much safer this way. And, your brother thinks it's for the best as well. We should trust him."

Michaela could read the look in Colleen that said, I don't think so. She knew that Colleen also saw her brother as not up to the task of sheriff. At least, not all the time. To her, Matthew was just her brother. Nothing more.

She gave the blanket one last fold before setting it down on the bench by the window. If no patients come in this morning, she thought, there might be time to tend to all the little things she always meant to tend to like-

She saw Brian pin wheeling towards the window of the clinic, reminding Mike of an unwieldy young colt. Then she saw his mouth working, his eyes huge. She heard his screams but couldn't decipher them until he was standing before her in the clinic, casting Colleen's paper work to the floor as he slammed the door open.

"There's blood everywhere!" He gasped. "It's everywhere! You gotta come quick!"

Mike felt a sick sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She saw a gun and Emma's lifeless body. He'd gotten away. Somehow he'd gotten away. Or tricked Matthew. Who thought the man was on the fastest train to nowhere.

She started to move to the door, but she heard Brian's footsteps behind her. She whirled around.

"Stay here!" Fear made her voice snap. She had no doubt the man was still around. And the fear told her he could have killed Brian then, and put an added edge into her voice, to stick him in place. She couldn't risk it. She wasn't sure if she could risk Colleen. How she wished Sully was there.

"Get Matthew! Find him!" She barked the order to Colleen, to give her a distraction and a reason to stay behind as well.

. The whole town would follow if given half the chance. Those from the saloon, those whose fault this all was. If they'd just kept silent- didn't they know the man was dangerous? But no, it was always better to air gossip, the juicy tidbits they'd all been holding to, none too quietly since Emma had first arrived in town.

Leaving the two behind and racing off on whatever horse was closest, she wished for a gun. As she rode, she saw clear images of Emma lying dead in the parlor, and her lunatic father standing over her, probably pointing a gun directly at Michaela as she walked through the door.

Once at the house, she dismounted and moved without fear up to the house. She noticed then that there was no sound. Quickly she glanced behind her and around her, to see if Hudson were lurking outside the house, just waiting, like a panther. Then she swung the door open. She stood still in shock. She did not see Emma lying on the floor, or her father. With a glance to the parlor and the kitchen, she then made her way to the stairs, unable to help wondering if Brian had been exaggerating. Hoping. There certainly was not blood everywhere. Michaela had seen in her mind the floor covered in blood, walls spattered.

But when she opened Colleen's bedroom door, she felt as if the blood had drained from her own body. She saw Emma, sprawled out on the floor pooled water from the broken porcelain pitcher at her side, the back of the girl's nightdress matching her bed, stained in varying degrees of red.


End file.
